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G. Kuttner, "Pchhi - chological war"
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(fantasy story)
I have never seen anyone uglier than Junior Pu in my life. That's it
really an unpleasant fellow, let me fail! Is it fat?
the head and the eyes, sitting so close that both could be knocked out with one finger -
cem. His Pa, however, thought nothing of him. Of course, baby
The youngest is the spitting image of Dad. “The last of Pu,” the old man used to say,
puffing out his chest and breaking into a smile. - The most beautiful pa-
the greatest of all who have walked on this earth.
My blood used to run cold when I looked at this
a couple.
We Hogbens are small people. We live quieter than water and below the traffic
you are in a secluded valley; Our neighbors from the village are already used to us.
If Pa pumps up like he did last week and starts flying around
their red jersey over Main Street, they pretend it's nothing
They don’t notice so as not to embarrass Ma. After all, when he is sober, pious
You won’t find a quieter Christian.
Now Pa's got it on because of Little Sam, our youngest,which we keep in a tank in the basement. He's cutting again
teeth. For the first time since the War Between the States.
The producer who lives in our bottle once said that
Little Sam emits some kind of infrasound. Nonsense. Just nerves
you start to twitch. Pa can't stand it. This time
Even Grandfather woke up, but he hadn’t moved since Christmas. Prod-
He opened his eyes and immediately attacked Pa.
- I see you, wicked one! - he roared. - You're flying again, you idiot.
heavenly? Oh, shame on my gray hair! Am I not going to land you?
A distant blow was heard.
“I fell a good ten feet!” - Pa screamed. - So unfair!
He could easily have broken something!
“You’re going to ruin us all, you drunken lip-slapper,” interrupted Grandfather.
Fly in broad daylight! In my time they burned for less... And those...
Shut up and let me calm Baby down.
Grandfather always found a common language with the baby. Now he sang
him a little song in Sanskrit, and soon both were peacefully
snored.
I made a little thing for Ma to make milk for pies.
it turned sour faster. I had nothing but an old sleigh and
two delays, but I need a little. Only I added one
the end of the wire to the north-northeast, as noticed in the thickets
plaid pants.
It was Uncle Lem. I heard him think: "It's not me,
he kept repeating, really loudly, right in my head. - Between
us a mile withthat's it. Your Uncle Lem is a nice guy and won't
lie. Do you think I'll deceive you, Sonky boy?"
- Of course! - I thought to him. - If only I could. I gave Ma
I honestly won’t let you go anywhere after that
case like you...
“Okay, okay, boy,” Uncle Lem quickly responded. -
Whoever remembers the old, look out.
“You can’t refuse anyone, Uncle Lem,” I reminded
twisting the wire. - Now, I’ll just sour the milk, and
Let's go together to wherever you've been soaping up.
Checkered pants flashed for the last time in the thickets, and, wine-
smiling, Uncle Lem appeared in person. Our
Uncle Lem wouldn't hurt a fly - he's so weak-willed. Everyone
he can turn it around as he wants, so we have to look after him well
keep a close eye.
- How are you going to make this? - he asked, looking at her
loko. - Will you make these babies work faster?
- Uncle Lem! - I was indignant. - Be ashamed! Can you imagine how they
working hard, turning milk sour?! This thing,” I explained proudly, “
will send milk next week. On these hot days
this is enough for the eyes. Then back - bang! - Done, sour.
- What a cunning one! - Uncle Lem admired, bending one
Well, the delay. - Only here we need to fix it, otherwise it will interfere
thunderstorm next Tuesday. Well, come on.
I gave it. And he returned - be calm! - everything has turned sour that at leastmouse run. The hornet from that week was swarming in the jar, and I
clicked.
Eh, I made a fool of myself. All Uncle Lem's things!
He dashed back into the thicket, trampling his feet with pleasure.
goy.
- I fooled you, you green brat! - He shouted. - Let's see
how will you get your finger out of the middle of next week!
He didn’t even think about any thunderstorm when he pulled up that wire.
It took me ten minutes to free myself - all because
one little guy named Inertia, who always hangs around anywhere
getting in. I was so busy that I didn’t have time to change into city clothes.
dress. But Uncle Lem got smart about something, that your a turkey.
And he was really worried!.. I ran along the trail of his fidgety thoughts.
It was impossible to really understand them, but he did something there. This
everyone would understand. Here were the thoughts:
"Oh, oh, why did I do this? Heaven help me if
will visit his grandfather, oh, these vile Pus, what a fool I am! Such a poor thing-
ha, good guy, pure soul, didn’t lay a finger on anyone, but
look at me now! This Sonk, baby, haha, like me
taught him a lesson. Oh, oh, it's okay, keep your tail on the wheel, you're a great guy
Ren, God will help you, Lemuel."
His checkered trousers kept flashing among the branches, then
jumped out onto a field that stretched to the edge of the city, and soon he knocked
through the ticket window with a Spanish doubloon, pulled from grandpa's sun-
duka.
What he asked for a ticket tocapital of the State, I'm not at all surprised
vilo. He got into an argument with the young man outside the window about something, but
the man searched his trousers and fished out a silver dollar, on which they
decided.
When Uncle Lem jumped up, the locomotive was already blowing smoke. I
I barely made it. The last dozen yards had to be flown, but,
I don't think anyone noticed.
One day, when the milk on my lips was still wet, it happened...
The Great Plague was in London, where we lived at that time, and to all of us,
The Hogbens had to get out. I remember the hubbub of that time, but where
he cared that he was standing in the capital of the State where our train arrived.
Times change, I guess. Whistles are blowing, cars are roaring,
Dio yells something terrible - it seems like in the last two hundred years
Each new invention is noisier than the previous one.
Uncle Lem was scratching his head. I almost flew, keeping up with
him. I wanted to contact my people just in case, but nothing happened.
it came out. Ma was at a church meeting, and she was last
once she gave me a thrashing because I spoke to her as if from heaven
right in front of Reverend Father Jones. He still can't
Maybe he'll get used to us Hogbens. Pa was dead drunk. Wake him up
- don’t wake me up... And I was afraid to call out to Grandpa, I might wake up the baby.
Soon I saw a large crowd filling the entire street, a truck and
a man on it waving some bottles in both hands
kah. I think he was talking aboutheadache. I heard him
still from around the corner. The truck was decorated with posters on both sides:
"PU REMEDY FOR HEADACHES."
“Oh, oh,” thought Uncle Lem. - Oh woe, woe! What to do
me, the unfortunate one? I couldn't imagine anyone getting married
on Lily Lou Matz. Oh, oh!
Well, let me tell you, we were all pretty surprised when Lily Lou
Matz got married - and from then on, another ten years have not passed...
lo. But I can’t understand what Uncle Lem has to do with it.
You can’t find an uglier Lily Lou anywhere, she’s as scary as a mortal
sin. Ugly is not the right word for her, poor thing. Grandpa said
somehow that she reminds him of a family named Gorgon,
whom he knew. Lily lived alone, on the outskirts, and she,
it was forty, when suddenly, from somewhere on the other side of the mountains,
one guy and, imagine, offered to marry him. So that
I'm going to fail! I myself have not seen this friend, but, they say,
he is not a handsome man.
And if I remember, I thought, looking at the truck, if I remember...
thread, his last name was Pu.
Uncle Lem noticed someone at the edge of the crowd and scurried over there.
It seemed that two gorillas, large and small, stood side by side and
stared at a friend waving bottles. - Go ahead, -
he called, come and get your bottle of the Reliable Remedy
Poo against Headaches!
“Well, Poo, here I am,” said Uncle Lem, addressing the pain.
Shoi the gorilla.“Hello, Junior,” he added.
I noticed how he shivered.
You can't blame him. More vile representatives of the human race
I haven’t seen anything since the day I was born. The elder was dressed in
a Sunday frock coat with a gold chain on the belly, and he was putting on airs and
wondered!..
“Hello, Lem,” he said. - Junior, say hello to Mr.
rum by Lem Hogben. You owe him a lot, son. - And he's disgusting
laughed.
The younger one didn’t even bat an eye. His little beady eyes stare
poured into the crowd on the other side of the street. He was seven years old.
- Shall I do it now, pa? - he asked in a raspy voice. -
Let me do it for them, dad. Eh, pa? - judging by his tone, be under his
with a machine gun in his hand, he would have killed everyone.
- Wonderful guy, isn't it, Lem? - said Pu, grinning
senior - If only grandfather could see him!.. Actually, wonderful
We are family, Poo. There is no one like us. The only trouble is that Junior -
last one. Got it, why did I contact you?
Uncle Lem shuddered again.
“Yes,” he said, “it got it.” But you are wasting your time in vain. I don't
I'm going to do nothing.
Young Poo was impatient.
“Give it to me, I’ll arrange it for them,” he creaked. - Now, pa. A?
“Shut up, son,” the eldest answered and went to his son-
ku on the forehead. And he had such hands - be calm!
- Dad, I warned you! - Junior shouted in a bad voice.
When you hit me last time, I warned you! Te-
come onyou will get me!
He took a deep breath, and his tiny eyes suddenly
sparkled and swollen so much that they almost met at the bridge of the nose.
“Okay,” Pu Sr. quickly responded. - The crowd is ready - not
It's worth wasting your energy on me, son.
Then someone grabbed my elbow, and a thin voice said:
said very politely:
- Sorry to bother you, can I ask you a question?
It turned out to be a thin guy with a notepad in his hand.
“Well,” I answered just as politely, “go ahead, mister.”
- I'm interested in how you feel, that's all.
“Oh, great,” I said. - How kind of you to...
rona. Hope you are in good health too, mister.
He nodded in bewilderment.
- That's the point. I just can't understand. I feel
excellent.
- Why not? - I was surprised. - Wonderful day.
“Everyone feels good here,” he continued, as if not
hearing. - Apart from natural deviations, people gathered here
quite healthy. But I think not even a couple of minutes will pass...
And then someone hit me with a hammer right on the top of my head. Us,
Hogbenov, even if you hit your head all day, you'll be at peace. Try
boom, make sure. True, my knees trembled, but after a second I
I was already fine and turned around to see who was me
knocked.
And... there was no one. But God, how the crowd mooed and moaned! Girth-
head with their hands, all of them pushing each other away,rushed to the group
zovik, where that friend was handing out bottles at such a speed, with
which one could accept dollar tickets.
The thin man's eyes bulged onto his forehead, like those of a drake in a thunderstorm.
- Oh my head! - he moaned. - Well, what did I tell you?! And he
hobbled away, rummaging in his pockets. In our family I am considered the one
head to head, but I’ll fail in this place if I don’t immediately
I realized that something was wrong! I'm not a simpleton, no matter what Ma
spoke.
“Witchcraft,” I thought completely calmly. - I would never
I didn’t believe it, but this is a real spell.
Then I remembered Lily Lou Matz. And the thoughts of Uncle Lem. And before
me - how do they say it? - the light rattled. Pushing towards the
dear Lem, I decided that this was the last time I would help him; really
His heart is too soft... and his brain too.
“No, no,” he insisted. - No way!
“Uncle Lem,” I called.
- Sonk!
He turned red and green, and generally expressed his dislike in every possible way.
resentment, but I felt that he felt better.
- What's going on here, Uncle Lem?
- Oh, Sonk, everything is going completely wrong! - uncle lamented
Lem. - Look at me - here I stand, with a heart of pure gold -
ta...
“Nice to meet you, young man,” Ed intervened.
Poo. Another Hogben, I guess. Maybe you could prosecute
kill your uncle?
“Sorry for interrupting, Mr. Poo,” I said truly.
mu politely, -but it’s better if you explain in order.
He cleared his throat and stuck out his chest importantly. Apparently he was pleased
talk about it. I felt like a big deal.
- I don’t know if you were familiar with my unforgettable late wife -
noah, ah, Lily Lou Matz. Here is our child, the youngest. A wonderful fellow.
What a pity that we didn’t have eight or ten more of these
same. - He took a deep breath. - Well, life is life. I dreamed
get married early and decorate your old age with the cares of children... And the Younger -
the last of a glorious line.
“Pa,” Younger suddenly croaked, “they’re calming down, pa.” Give it to them
I’ll upload a double one, okay? I bet I can lay down a couple.
Ed Poo was about to stroke his rogue again, but in time he
changed my mind.
“Don’t interrupt your elders, son,” he said. - Daddy is busy.
Mind your own business and shut up. - He looked around the groaning crowd.
Add it there, by the truck, so they can buy faster. But take care
ly, baby. You have a growing organism... A gifted guy, he himself vi-
light. Inherited this from our dear mother, Lily Lou. Yes, yes
Well, I wanted to get married young, but somehow the whole point is not to get married
it came, and it happened already in the prime of life. I couldn't find a wife...
a woman who would look... That is, I couldn’t find a suitable
couple
- Understand.
Indeed, I understood. He must have traveled a lot
in search of someone who would agree to take a second look at him
times. Even Lily Louthe unfortunate soul must have thought for a long time before
than she said yes.
“This is where,” Ed Pu continued, “your uncle is involved.”
It seems that he gave Lily Lu witchcraft.
- Never! - Uncle Lem yelled. - And if so, where am I from?
knew that she would get married and have a child?! Who would have thought?
“He endowed her with witchcraft,” Ed Pu raised his voice, “yes.”
Only she admitted this to me on her deathbed, a year ago.
Kept me in the dark all this time!
“I just wanted to protect her,” Uncle Lem quickly inserted. -
You know I'm not lying, Sonky boy. Poor Lily Lou would-
it was so scary that people sometimes threw anything at it, before
than they managed to pull themselves together. I felt so sorry for her! You never
You won’t know, Sonky, how long I’ve been holding back my good intentions! But
Because of my heart of gold, I always get into trouble. One day
Yes, I was so moved that I endowed her with the ability to cast
spells. Anyone would do the same in my place, Sonk!
- How did you do it? - Indeed, interesting. Who knows
everything can come in handy sometimes.
He explained terribly vaguely, but I immediately understood that he had arranged everything
his buddy named Gene Chromosome. And all these alpha waves, about
which my uncle gave away, so who doesn’t know about them? Not-
I guess everyone saw the little waves flickering back and forth. U
Grandfathers sometimes run through six hundred different thoughts - along narrowkim convolutions where the brains are located. My eyes are already dazzled,
when he comes to his senses.
“That’s it, Sonk,” Uncle Lem rounded off. - And this little snake
received everything as an inheritance.
- Why don’t you ask this friend, Chromosome, to cross-
swarm Junior in the usual way? - I asked. - It’s very simple-
then. Look, uncle.
I focused my eyes on Junior, really sharply, and
Lalted like that... you know, to look into someone.
Of course, I realized what Uncle Lem meant. Tiny
tulichi-mahotulichki, lemov's friends, holding on to each other in a chain
friend, and thin sticks darting in the cages from which
everything is done, except maybe Little Sam...
“Uncle Lem,” I said, “then you stuck those sticks in
chain like this. Why not do the opposite now?
Uncle Lem shook his head reproachfully. - Dude, you're a hundred percent-
Wow, Sonk. After all, I’ll kill him at the same time, and we promised Grandfather more
no murders!
- But, Uncle Lem! - I couldn’t stand it. - Nightmare! This little snake
will bewitch people all his life!
“It’s worse, Sonk,” said the poor uncle, almost crying. -
He will pass this ability on to his children!
- Calm down, Uncle Lem. No need to worry. Look at this one
toad. Not a single woman will come within a mile of him. So that he-
got it?! Never mind! - I said after thinking.
“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Ed Pu interrupted for real.loud. He was completely seething. - I heard everything and will not forget how you
spoke about my baby. We'll go far with him. I'm already ol-
derman, and I warn you, young Hogben, you and all your family
You will be held accountable for insults! I'll break into pieces, but not
I'll let the family line disappear, do you hear, Lemuel? Uncle
Lem just closed his eyes tightly and shook his head.
“No,” he squeezed out, “I don’t agree.” Never, never!
“Lemuel,” Ed Pu said angrily. - Lemuel, do you want
so that I can unleash Junior on you?
“Oh, it’s useless,” I assured. - Hogben cannot be bewitched -
vat.
- Well... - he hesitated, not knowing what to come up with, - hmmm... you
soft-hearted, right? We promised our grandfather that we would never
will you kill? Lemuel, open your eyes and look outside. See
this pretty old lady with a stick? What do you say if it's good
giving Junior, she will now kick back her hooves?! Or that curvy one over there
lady with a baby in her arms. Look at this, Lemuel. Oh, what
lovely child! Junior, they found bubonic on them for starters
plague And then...
Uncle Lem suddenly bulged his eyes and looked tired with a crazy look.
curled up on me.
- What should I do if my heart is made of pure gold?! wax-
he cheered. - I’m so good, and everyone takes advantage of it. So -
I don't care. I don't care about anything!
Then he stretched out completely, became numb, and slammed his face onto the asphalt -
xia, hard,like a poker.
No matter how worried I was, I couldn’t help but smile. I understood
that Uncle Lem just fell asleep - he always did that, it’s worth
just smell fried. Pa, I think, calls it kotale-psy,
but cats and dogs don’t sleep so soundly.
When Uncle Lem crashed onto the asphalt, Junior let out
a cry of joy and, running up to him, kicked him in the head.
Well, I already said, we Hogbens are very strong-headed. Junior
squealed and danced on one leg.
- And I’ll put a spell on you! - he yelled at Uncle Lem. - Well, I
to you, I to you!..
He took a deep breath, turned purple - and...
Pa then tried to explain to me what happened, he carried some kind of
nonsense about deoxyribonucleic acid, kappa waves and micro-
volts Need to know Pa. He's too lazy to tell everything in simple terms
English, know steals these stupid words from other people's brains.
But in reality this is what happened. All the rage of this bastard
she bit Uncle Lem right in the crown, so to speak.
He turned green literally before our eyes.
Simultaneously with the turning green of Uncle Lem, the grave came
silence. I looked around in surprise and realized what had happened.
The wailing and sobbing stopped. People applied themselves to their
bottles and smiled faintly. All of Younger Pu's sorcery was spent on
Uncle Lem, and, naturally, the headache disappeared.
- What happened here? - A familiar voice rang out. - This guy-
the catcher lost consciousness? Hey,excuse me... I'm a doctor.
It was that same thin, good-natured fellow. Noticing Ed Poo, he got angry
then it flared up.
- So, is it you, Alderman Poo? How is it that you are forever
find yourself involved in strange things? And what did you do with
by this person? This time you have gone too far.
“I didn’t do anything to him,” Ed Pu said in a deep voice. - With his finger
didn't touch it. Watch your tongue, Dr. Brown, or you'll...
you regret it. I'm not the last person in these parts.
- Just look! - Doctor Brown cried, peering
to Uncle Lem. - He's dying! "Ambulance", quickly!
Uncle Lem was changing color again. In each of us constantly
Whole hordes of microbes and other tiny things are swarming around. Spell
The younger one was terribly provoked by this whole crowd, and had to take
for the work of another company, which Pa calls antibodies. They
not at all as frail as they seem, just very pale from giving birth -
Denia. When something brews in your insides,
Sha, these friends are flying headlong there, to the battlefield. Ours, Hog-
Ben's, the crumbs will defeat anyone. They rushed so furiously
enemy that Uncle Lem went through all the colors, from green to burgundy
go, and large blue and yellow spots showed the sites of battles.
Uncle Lem could use some henna, but he looks unhealthy, rest easy!
The thin doctor sat down and felt his pulse.
“So, you’ve achieved your goal,” raising his head to Ed.Poo. - U
Poor guys, it looks like the bubonic plague. Now you and your monkey are like this
you won't get away with it.
Ed Pu just laughed. But I saw how angry he was.
“Don't worry about me, Dr. Brown,” he muttered. -
When I become governor of the state - and my plans are always realized -
It turns out that your favorite hospital, which you are so proud of, is not
receives not a penny of federal money!
- Where is the ambulance? - as if not hearing anything, pointing out
the doctor wondered.
“Uncle Lem doesn’t need any help,” I said. - This is
he's just having a seizure. Nonsense.
- God Almighty! - exclaimed the doc. - Do you want to say that
he had this before and he survived?! - He looked at me and
suddenly smiled. - Oh, I understand, you’re afraid of the hospital? Don't worry-
Make sure we won't do anything bad to him.
The hospital is no place for Hogben. We need to do something.
- Uncle Lem! - I screamed, only to myself, and not out loud. - Uncle
Lem, wake up quickly! Deda will skin you and nail you to
barn doors if you allow yourself to be taken to the hospital! Or you
Do you want to find your second heart? Or understood how the
Are your bones missing? Uncle Lem! Get up!!
In vain... he didn’t even bat an eye.
That's when I really started to worry. Uncle Lem let-
took me into history. I have no idea what to do here. I'm still in
after all, young. It's embarrassing to say, but before the Great Fire in
London nothingI don't remember.
Mr. Poo,” I said, “you must recall Junior.” You can't
allow Uncle Lem to be taken to the hospital.
“Come on, Junior, pour in more,” said Pu, grinning disgustingly.
barking. “I need to have a word with young Hogben.”
The spots on Uncle Lema turned green around the edges. Doctor's mouth
opened it, and Ed Pu grabbed my hand and took me aside.
“I think you understand what I want, Hogben.” I want Poo
have always been. I myself had a lot of trouble getting married, and
It won't be any easier for my son. Women these days have no taste at all.
sa. Make sure that our family continues, and I will make
Junior to remove the spell from Lemuel.
“But if your family doesn’t die out,” I objected, “then they will die out.”
everyone else, as soon as there is enough Pu.
- So what? - Ed Pu grinned. - It doesn’t matter if the people are nice
will populate the Earth. And you will help us with this, young Hogben!
A terrible howl was heard from around the corner, and the crowd parted, allowing
way for the car. A couple of guys in white coats with ca-
some kind of bunk on sticks. Dr. Brown stood up with relief.
- This person needs to be quarantined. To God alone
we know what we will find when we begin to examine it. Give it to me
stethoscope There's something wrong with his heart...
I’ll tell you straight, my soul is gone. We're all gone
we Hogbens. As soon as these doctors and scientists get wind of us,
we won't have anylife, no peace.
And Ed Pu looks at me mockingly, with a vile grin. Well then
should I do? After all, I couldn’t promise to fulfill his request, right?
yes? We Hogbens have some plans for the future when everything
people will become like us. But if by that time on Earth there will be
Poo alone is not worth living. I couldn't say yes. But I couldn't
say "no" too.
No matter how you look at it, things seem to be in shambles.
There was only one thing left. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and
screamed desperately inside my head. - De-da-a!! - I called.
- Yes, my boy? - responded a deep voice. Actually, Grandfather
has the habit of asking lengthy questions for half an hour and,
without listening to the answers, read long morals on various dead
languages. But then he immediately realized that this was serious business.
There was almost no time left, and I just opened my eyes wide
give him his brain. Deda sighed in my head.
- We are in their hands, Sonk. - I was even surprised that he could...
speak in plain English. - We agree.
- But, Grandfather!
- Do as I say! - My head was already buzzing, so...
he ordered firmly. - Tell Poo that we accept his terms.
I didn't dare disobey. But for the first time I doubted De-
blew. Perhaps the Hogbens will one day survive
mind. Deda probably approached this age.
- Okay, Mr. Poo. You have won. Remove the spell. Alive,
before it's too late.
UMister Poo had a long yellow car, and Uncle Lem
loaded into the trunk. This stubborn guy never woke up when
The younger removed the spell from him, but his skin instantly turned pink.
Doc could not believe it, although everything happened before his eyes.
Mr. Poo had to threaten and swear for a long time before
than we left. And the doc remained sitting on the pavement, something
muttering and rubbing his forehead in shock.
“We can handle it together,” said Deda as soon as we arrived.
to our house. - I've been thinking about it here. Come on, pull that sleigh,
on which you soured the milk today!
- Oh no, Deda! - I blurted out, realizing what he meant.
- Who are you chatting with? - Ed Poo asked suspiciously, knocking out
getting out of the car.
- Take the sleigh! - Grandfather shouted. - Let's throw them into the past.
“But, Deda,” I howled, only this time to myself. More
All that bothered me was that Deda spoke simple English,
something that never happened to him in his normal state. - Nope-
can't you see if we throw them through time and carry them out?
promise, they will multiply with every generation! Via
in five seconds the whole world will turn into Poo!
- Shut up, you vile wicked man! You are in front of me like a worm
wretched one, crawling in the dust! - Deda roared. - Immediately
Fulfill my command, you unhearing one!
I felt a little better and pulled out the sled.
- Sit down, Mr. Poo. Younger,there is a place for you here too.
Like this.
-Where is your old bastard, grandfather? - Pu doubted. - You are
Aren't you going to do everything yourself? Such an uncouth blockhead...
“Well, Sonk,” said Deda. - Watch and learn. It's all about the g-
nah. A good dose of ultraviolet light is enough. Come on, you're closer.
I said: “Okay,” and seemed to turn the light falling on Pu
through the leaves. Ultraviolet is where colors have no name.
ny for most people.
“Heredity, mutations...” muttered Deda. - Approximately
six bursts of heterozygous activity... Done, Sonk.
I turned the ultraviolet back.
- Year one, Deda? - I asked, still doubting.
“Yes,” said Deda. - Do not hesitate any longer, boy.
I leaned down and gave them the push they needed. The last thing I learned is
I heard Mr. Poo scream.
- What are you doing? - He yelled fiercely. - Look at me, young Hog-
ben... What is this? If this is some kind of trick, I'll let the young one on you
wow! I will cast such a spell that even you!..
The howl turned into a squeak, no louder than a mosquito, increasingly quieter, increasingly thin-
and disappeared.
It is clear that Deda has made a terrible mistake. I don't know
how many years ago was Year One, but there’s plenty of time that-
the Pus would populate the entire planet. I put two fingers to my eyes
to stretch them when they start to bulge and come closer together,
like Pu.
“You’re not Pu yet, son,” said Grandfather, chuckling. - You them
do you see?“Nope,” I answered. - What's going on there?
- The sleigh stopped... Yes, this is Year One. Look at the people
pouring out of their caves to greet new comrades.
Oh-oh, what broad shoulders these men have! And, oh, just after-
look at the women. Yes, Junior is just a handsome man to walk among them
there will be! Anyone would go for this.
- But, Grandfather, this is terrible! - I exclaimed.
“Don’t interrupt your elders, Sonk,” cackled Deda. - Wait,
Let me see... Hmmm. A generation is not much at all when
you know how to look. Ay-ay-ay, what kind of disgusting ugly creatures are these
ten offspring of Pu. Cleaner than your daddy. But each of them you-
melts, starts a family and, in turn, has children.
It's nice to see my promise being fulfilled.
I just moaned.
“Okay,” Grandfather decided, “let’s jump over a couple of
centuries. Yes, they multiply here too. Family
The resemblance is excellent! Another thousand years. Ancient Greece. Not at all
have not changed! Remember I said that Lily Lou Matz reminds me
one of my old friends named Gorgon? No wonder!
He was silent for three minutes, and then laughed.
- Bah. First heterozygous explosion. Changes have begun.
- What changes, Deda? - I asked in a fallen voice.
- Changes that prove that your grandfather is not such an ass,
as you thought. I know what I'm doing. Look what mutations it has undergone
these arelittle genes!
- So, that means I won’t turn into Poo? - I was happy. - But,
Grandfather, we promised that their line would last.
“I will keep my word,” said Deda with dignity. - Genes
will retain their family traits to a tee. Right up... -
Here he laughed. - While serving in Year One, they were going to tax
living is a spell on you. Get ready.
- Oh God! - I exclaimed. - There will be a million of them when they
will get here. Grandfather! What should I do?
“Hold on, Sonk,” Deda answered without sympathy. - Million,
you say? What are you, much more.
- How much? - I asked.
He started talking. You may not believe it, but he is still
says. That's how many there are!
In general, the genes worked conscientiously. Pu remained Pu and kept
or the ability to cause damage - perhaps we can be sure
to say that they eventually conquered the whole world.
But it could have been worse. Poo could maintain their height. And they
became smaller and smaller and smaller. Pu genes received the same
what a thrashing from the heterozygous explosions that Grandfather set up,
that they were completely crazy and forgot to think about the size. These Pus can be
Call them viruses like a gene, only the virus is faster.
And then they got to me.
I sneezed and heard Uncle Lem sneeze in his sleep,
sitting in the trunk of a yellow car. Grandfather kept mumbling how much exactly
Pu took charge of me at that moment, and it was pointless to turn to him.
useful. II narrowed my eyes in a special way and looked to see that I was tickling
melted.
You've never seen so much Poo in your life! Yes, it's real
damage. All over the world these Pus send damage to people, to everyone,
whoever they can reach.
They say that even with a microscope you cannot see some
viruses. I can imagine how alarmed all these producers will be when...
may they finally see the tiny evil devils, the ugly ones that
mortal sin, with close-set bulging eyes, bewitched
howling at everyone who happens to be nearby.
Grandfather and the Chromosome Gene arranged everything in the best possible way. Yes
that Junior Pu is no longer, so to speak, a thorn in the
in the neck.
But, I must admit, it gives me a terrible sore throat.
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