G. Kuttner - “The Professor got screwed” (fantastic story)

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               G. Kuttner. "The Professor got screwed"
               -------------------------------
                  (fantasy story)


   We are Hogbens, there are no others like us.  Eccentric producer from the big one
city could have known this, but he flew to us uninvited, so
that now, in my opinion, let him blame himself. They're polite in Kentucky.
people mind their own business and don’t poke their noses where they’re not asked.
   So, when we scared the Haley brothers with a homemade gun (before
we still don’t understand how it shoots), then it all started - with
Rafe Haley, he hung around the barn and sniffed out what it smelled like...
no, in the window,” he tried to look at little Sam. After Rafe
started a rumor that little Sam had three heads or something...
worse.
   You can't trust a single word the Haley brothers say. Three heads!
Is it unheard of, judge for yourself? When little Sam just has...
There are two heads, there haven’t been any more for a long time.
   So my mom and I made that gun and gave our brothers a hard time
Hayley. I’m telling you, we ourselves couldn’t understand how it was
shoots.  Connected dry batteries withsome kind of coils, wire
ladies and other rubbish, and this thing did the best job
Rafa and his brothers through and through.
   In the verdict, the Coroner wrote that the death of the Haley brothers occurred
la instantly; Sheriff Abernathy came and drank corn water with us.
ki and said that he was itching to teach me a lesson so that
my own mother didn’t recognize me. I ignored it. But, apparently,
some damn Yankee reporter smelled something hot because
Soon a tall, fat, serious guy showed up to us and, well,
ask for all the ins and outs.
   Our Uncle Les was sitting on the porch, his hat pulled down almost to
the very teeth.
   - It would be better if we went back to our circus in good health,
“Good sir,” that’s all he said. - Us Barnum himself
invited us and then we flatly refused. Right, Sonk?
   “Exactly,” I confirmed. - I didn't trust Phineas. He called
Little Sam is a freak, wow!
   Tall and important guy - Producer Thomas Galbraith looked at
stared at me.
   - How old are you, son? - He asked.
   “I’m not your son,” I answered. - And I didn’t count my years.
   “You look no more than eighteen,” he said, “even though you
and tall. You can't remember Barnum.
   - Well, I remember. You will be chattered. Otherwise I’ll put it in your ear.
   “I have nothing to do with the circus,” Galbraith continued.
- I am a biogeneticist.
   Let's laugh. He seemed to get excited and wanted to know
what's herefunny.
   “There’s no such word in the world,” said Mommy. But here
Little Sam started screaming. Galbraith turned white as chalk and all
cassock.  He fell straight to the ground. When we picked him up, he asked
what happened.
   “This is little Sam,” I explained. - Mommy calms him down. He
already stopped.
   “This is ultrasound,” the producer muttered. - What is "Kroshka"
Sam" - shortwave transmitter?
   “Little Sam is a baby,” I answered briefly. - Don't dare him
calling him all sorts of names.  Now, maybe you can tell me what you want
necessary?
   He took out a notebook and began leafing through it.
   “I’m a scientist,” he said. - Our institute studies eugenics, and
We have some information about you. They sounded wrong
venerable. According to the theory of one of our employees, in a low-culture
In certain areas, a natural mutation may remain undetected
and... - He paused and looked straight at Uncle Les.
   -Can you really fly? - He asked.
   Well, we don’t like to talk about this. Once propo-
the guide gave us a good scolding. Uncle Les mumbled and soared above
mountains - scared the bejesus out of the bear hunters. Yes and in the Bible
there is no such thing that people are supposed to fly. Uncle Les usually does
it's sneaky when no one sees.
   Be that as it may, Uncle Les pulled his hat even lower and washed
chat:
   - This is completely stupid. Man is not given to fly. Take at least
these newfangledinventions that all my ears were buzzing about: between
us, they don’t fly at all. Just nonsense, that's all.
   Galbraith blinked his eyes and looked at his notebook again.
   - But here, from hearsay, there is evidence of a lot of unusual
qualities inherent in your family. The ability to fly is only one of the
them.  I know, theoretically this is impossible - unless we talk about
airplanes, but...
   - Stop chattering!
   - The composition of the ointment of medieval witches included aconite, which gives silt-
the illusion of flight, which is, of course, completely subjective.
   - Will you stop bothering? - Enraged Uncle Les burst, I
I understand - out of embarrassment. He jumped up and threw his hat on the porch
and took off.  A minute later he quickly sank down and picked up his
hat and made a face at the producer. Then he took off again and disappeared
behind the gorge, we didn’t see him for a long time.
   I got mad too.
   - By what right do you pester us? - I said. - Rain-
Be sure that Uncle Les will follow Dad's example, and it will be damn...
ki unpleasant.  We haven't seen daddy since we got here
a guy from the city was hanging around. Tax inspector, it seems.
   Galbraith said nothing. He looked kind of confused...
ny. I gave him a drink and he asked about daddy.
   “Yes, daddy is around here somewhere,” I answered. - Only he’s not there now
you'll see. He says he likes it better this way.
   “Yeah,” Galbraith said and drank another glass.
   - Oh my God. How much do you say you are?years?
   - And I don’t say anything about it.
   - Well, what is your very first memory?
   - What's the point of remembering? Are you just worrying about yourself in vain?
   “Fantastic,” Galbraith said. - I didn’t expect that I’d send it to
Institute such a report.
   “We don’t need all sorts of people interfering here,” I said. -Leave-
get out of here and leave us alone.
   - But have mercy! - He looked over the porch railing and became interested.
poked his gun. - What is this?
   “Such a thing,” I answered.
   - What is she doing?
   “All sorts of things,” I answered.
   - Yes. Can I have a look?
   “Please,” I replied. - Yes, I’ll give you this damn thing,
If only you would leave here.
   He walked over and examined the gun. Daddy stood up (he was sitting next to
me), told me to get rid of the damn Yankee and entered the house.
The producer has returned.
   - Amazing! - Speaks. - I know something about electronics, and,
in my opinion this is something outstanding. What is the operating principle?
   - What? - I answer. - She makes holes.
   - She can’t fire cartridges at all. In the breech
it has two lenses instead... How do you say it works?
   - How do I know?
   - Did you do this?
   - Mommy and I.
   He's going to start throwing questions.
   “How do I know,” I say. - The trouble with guns is that they are...
before recharging each time. So we thought: let's make a gun
in its own way so that it is never charged. And it’s true, it doesn’t come -
Xia.
   -And you seriously promised megive it away?
   - If you fall behind.
   “Listen,” he said, “it’s a miracle that you Hogbens are so
remained in the shadows for a long time.
   - That's where we stand.
   - The mutation theory must be correct! You need to be examined.
This is one of the biggest discoveries after... - And he went to scratch
in the same spirit. I didn't understand much.
   In the end I decided that there were only two options, and then
words of Sheriff Abernathy, I didn’t want to kill while the sheriffs were angry
won't cool down. I don't like scandals.
   - Let's say I go with you to New York, since that's what you want -
“Xia,” I said. -Will you leave my family alone?
   He seemed to promise, albeit reluctantly. But still he gave in and
swore: I threatened that otherwise I would wake up little Sam. He's the one who
Of course, I wanted to see little Sam, but I explained that that's all
still no use.  No matter how you look at it, little Sam can't go to
New York. He lies in the tank, without it he feels bad.
   In general, the producer was pleased with me and left when I finished.
He promised to meet him in the morning in the town. But still in my soul
To tell the truth, I was miserable. I haven't had the chance yet
spending the night under someone else's roof after that mess in the old world,
when we had to carry our feet at a pace.
   We then, I remember, moved to Holland. Mommy has always been
I'm partial to the man who helped us get out of London.
She named baby Sam in his honor. And I already know the name of that personforgot. Either Gwynne, or Steward, or Pepin - in my head -
everything gets confused when I remember what happened before the war of the North
with the South.
   The evening passed, as always, tediously. Dad, of course, sat invisibly
Dimy, and mommy kept getting angry, suspecting that he was pulling corn
more than it should be. But then she changed her anger to mercy and poured
him some real whiskey. Everyone told me to behave decently. 
   “This producer is so terribly smart,” said Mommy. - Everything
such producers. Don't fool him. Be a good girl, or else
I'll show you where the crayfish spend the winter.
   “I’ll be a good girl, Mommy,” I answered.
   Dad slapped me, which was dishonest on his part:
After all, I couldn’t see him!
   “This is so you remember better,” he said.
   “We are simple people,” grumbled Uncle Les. - There’s no point in jumping higher
head, it never leads to good.
   - I haven’t tried, honestly!  - I said. - Only I think so-
I'm melting...
   - Don't cause trouble! - Mommy threatened, and then we heard
Grandpa began tossing and turning on the mezzanine. Sometimes grandpa didn’t move for a week -
mi, but that evening he was downright lively.
   We naturally went up to find out what he wanted. He spoke
about the producer.
   - A stranger, huh? - Grandpa said. - Blasted beast! Rare-
the lip-slappers gathered at my bedside when I myself, from old age,
I'm losing my mind! Only Sonk is not without cunning, and even then, forgive me,
Lord, I'm a fool.
   Ijust fidgeted in place and muttered something, just so as not to
looking into grandpa's eyes - I can't stand it. But he's not on me
paid attention.  Everything was raging: - that means you are going to this
New York?  Blood of Christ, have you forgotten that we are like
Let us guard against fire London and Amsterdam - and New Amsterdam too - from
fear of inquiry? Do you really want to get into the fairground freaks?
Although this is not the worst thing.
   Grandpa is our oldest and sometimes he inserts some words into the conversation.
antediluvian words.  Probably jargon that you get used to in
youth, sticks for life. One thing you can’t take away from grandpa: ru-
He talks better than anyone I’ve ever listened to.
   “Nonsense,” I said. - I wanted the best!
   - So he still speaks in opposition, the lousy lack of hearing! - Indignant
grandpa.  - It’s all your fault, you and your parent.  It's you
the suppression of the Hayley family was successful. If it weren't for you, the scientist would
I didn’t come here.
   “He’s a producer,” I said. - His name is Thomas Galbraith.
   - I know.  I read his thoughts through little Sam's brain. Dangerous
man.  All wise men are dangerous. Except perhaps Roger Bacon, and that
I had to bribe in order to... Doesn't matter. Roger was a man.
Take heed: let none of you go to New York. It costs us
just leave this quiet backwater as soon as someone becomes interested in us -
fight - and we are lost. Their whole wolf pack will grab hold of them and tear them apart.
us to pieces. And yoursreckless flying, Lester, will help you
like a poultice for the dead - do you listen?
   - But what should we do? - Mom asked.
   “What’s wrong,” said daddy. - I persuaded this producer -
nude I'll dump it into the tank and that's the end of it.
   - And you'll ruin the water? - Mommy jumped up. - Just try it!
   - What kind of vicious breed has come from my loins? - I told my grandfather -
la,” he became completely furious. - Didn’t you promise the sheriff that
will the killings stop... At least for the near future? Is it really a word?
Hogben's nothing? We carried two shrines through the centuries - our secret
and honor to the Hogbens! Just dare to kill this Galbraith - you
answer me!
   We all turned pale. Little Sam woke up again and whimpered.
   - What should we do now? - Uncle Les asked.
   “Our great secret must remain inviolable,” said De-
Dulya. - Do as you please, just without killing. I'm also pissed-
this puzzle.
   Here he seemed to have fallen asleep, although nothing was ever said about him.
you don't know.
   The next day we met Galbraith in the town, as
We agreed, but even earlier I ran into the sheriff on the street
Abernathy, who, seeing me, flashed his eyes angrily.
   “It’s better not to run into trouble, Sonk,” he said. - Remember, I pre-
warned
   It turned out to be very inconvenient.
   Anyway, I saw Galbraith and told him that
Grandpa won't let me go to New York. Galbraith is not very happy
failed, butI realized that there was nothing to be done about it.
   His hotel room was filled with scientific rubbish and could frighten
all sorts of things.  The gun stood right there, and Galbraith seemed to have nothing in it
didn't change. He began to convince me.
   “It won’t work,” I snapped. - These mountains are not enough to keep us away -
you're talking. Yesterday I stupidly blurted out without asking anyone, that’s all.
   “Listen, Sonk,” he said. - I asked around the town about
Hogbenach, but learned almost nothing. People here are secretive. But that's it
equally, their testimony would only be additional confirmation.  I
I have no doubt that our theories are correct. You and your whole mutant family-
you, you need to be examined!
   “We are not mutants,” I answered. - Scientists are always calling names
us with some nicknames. Roger Bacon dubbed us homunculi,
but...
   - What? ! - Galbraith screamed. - What did you say?
   - Uh... One of the sharecroppers from the neighboring county, - I immediately remembered -
I tried, but it was clear that the producer could not be fooled; he began
walk around the room.
   “It’s no use,” he said. - If you don't go to New York,
I will ask the institute to send a commission here. You need to be examined
to work for the glory of science and for the progress of humanity.
   “That wasn’t enough yet,” I answered. - I imagine that I'm semi-
reads.  Show us off like freaks for everyone's amusement. Little Sam
it will kill. Get out of here and leave us alone.
   - Should I leave you alone? When you know how to create such
burs?- He waved his hand towards the gun. - How does it work?
He asked out of the blue.
   - I don’t know... They made it, and that’s the end of it. Listen,
producer  If they come to stare at us, there will be trouble. Big
trouble. That's what grandpa says.
   Galbraith began to pick at his own nose.
   - Well, let's say... And answer me some questions,
Sonk?
   - There won't be a commission?
   - Let's see.
   - No, sir. I won't...
   Galbraith took a deep breath.
   - If you tell me everything I need, I will keep your place-
staying in secret.
   - And I thought your institute knew where you went.
   “Ah, yes,” Galbraith realized. - Naturally, they know. But
nothing is known about you there.
   He gave me an idea. It didn't cost anything to kill him, but then
the dude would have crushed me into powder, and I had to reckon with the sheriff -
Xia. So I said, “okay,” and nodded.
   Lord, what did this guy ask about! I'm already in circles
swam before my eyes. And he became more and more angry.
   - How old is your grandfather?
   - I have no idea.
   - Homunculi, km... You say he was once a miner?
   “Not him, his father,” I said. - At the tin mines in Ang-
Lii. Only grandpa says that at that time it was called Brita-
nia. The witch plague was also brought upon them at that time. I had to call Le-
brown... Drunov? Drudov?
   - Druids?
   - Whoa.  These druids, grandpa says,were doctors. In general,
miners were dying like flies all over Cornwall, and the mines had to be closed.
dig.
   - What kind of plague?
   I explained to him how I remembered it from my grandfather’s stories, and praised
Sor got terribly excited, muttered something, as far as I
I knew about radioactive radiation. It’s terrible what nonsense he spewed.
   - Artificial mutation caused by radioactivity! Go-
he screams, but his eyes and teeth are on fire. - Your grandfather was born
mutant!  Genes and chromosomes rearranged into a new combination. Yes
After all, you are probably superhumans!
   “No, really,” I objected. - We are Hogbens. That's all.
   - Dominant, typical dominant. And your whole family... Uh...
With weirdness?
   - Hey, easier on the turns! - I threatened.
   - I mean, can everyone fly?
   - I still can’t do it myself. We must be some kind of freaks. Grandpa
us - a golden head. I always taught you not to stick your neck out.
   “Protective camouflage,” Galbraith chimed in. - Against a background of inertia
social culture, deviations from the norm are more easily masked.  B
in a modern civilized society it would be just as difficult for you
hide like an awl in a sack. And here, in the wilderness, you are practically un-
visible.
   “Only daddy,” I clarified.
   “Oh God,” he sighed. - To hide such incredible natural
great abilities... Can you imagine what you could do?
   Suddenly he became more incensed than before, and I didn’t really like it.
his gaze curled.
   - Miracles,- he repeated. - It’s like finding Aladdin’s lamp-
tee.
   “It would be nice if you got rid of us,” I say. - You and your co-
mission.
   - Forget about the commission. I decided to do this myself for now.
independently. Provided that you cooperate. In the sense-
le help me. Agree?
   “Nope,” I answered.
   “Then I’ll invite a commission here from New York,” he said.
gloatingly.
   I thought about it.
   “Well,” I finally said, “what do you want?”
   “I don’t know yet,” he said slowly. - I'm not completely yet
embraced the prospects.
   But he was ready to grab everything. It was obvious right away.
I know that facial expression.
   I was standing at the window, looking out onto the street, and then it suddenly dawned on me.
I decided that, no matter what, I should trust the producer too much -
completely stupid.  So I got close, as if by accident, to the gun and
I corrected something there.
   I knew exactly what I wanted, but if Galbraith had asked,
why am I twisting the wire here and bending some damn thing?
there, I couldn't answer. Didn't study in schools. But I knew for sure
one thing: now this thing will work as it should.
   The producer was scribbling something in a notebook. He raised his eyes and noticed
til me.
   - What are you doing? - He asked.
   “There was something wrong here,” I lied. - No other way than you here
They were tricky with batteries. Try it now.
   - Here? - He was indignant. - I don't want to compensate for losses. Test
you need to work in a safe placeconditions.
   - See the weather vane over there on the roof? - I pointed with my finger. Nobody
won't get hurt if we aim at him. You may not feel
moving away from the window.
   - This... Isn't it dangerous? - It was clear that his hands were itching
test the gun. I said everyone will survive, he's deep
sighed, went to the window and clumsily took hold of the butt.
   I moved aside. I didn't want the sheriff to see me.
I noticed him a long time ago - he was sitting on a bench near the grocery store.
shops across the road.
   Everything turned out as I expected. Galbraith pulled the trigger,
flying into the weather vane on the roof, and rings of light flew out of the barrel. Distributed
there is a terrifying roar. Galbraith fell backwards, and then the
There was such pandemonium that it is impossible to convey. The scream stood
all over the town.
   Well, I feel like now is the time to turn invisible.
So I did.
   Galbraith was examining the gun when Sheriff Eber burst into the room.
nati.  And the sheriff is not to be trifled with. He had a pistol in his hand and
handbrake at the ready; he took his soul away by cursing the producer with the last
words.
   - I saw you! - He yelled. - You people from the capital think that you
you can get away with anything here. So, you are wrong!
   - Sonk!  - Galbraith cried, looking around. But me
he, of course, could not see.
   Here they grappled. Sheriff Abernathy saw Galbraith shoot
from a gun, and don’t put your finger in the sheriff’s mouth. He dragged Galbraith
bystreet, and I, walking silently, followed. People were rushing about
like crazy. Almost everyone pressed their hands to their cheeks.
   The producer continued to whine that he didn’t understand anything.
   - I saw everything!  - Abernathy interrupted him. -You took aim from
windows - and immediately the whole city had a toothache! Just dare
say again as if you don’t understand!
   Our sheriff is smart. He has known us Hogbens for a long time and has not
is surprised if sometimes wonderful things happen. Besides he
knew that Galbraith was a scientist. So, it turned out to be a scandal, people
found out who was to blame, and before I had time to look back, they
they wanted to lynch Galbraith.
   Abernathy took him away. I wandered around the town a little. To the street
The pastor came out to look at the church windows - they puzzled him.
The glass was multi-colored, and the pastor could not understand why
they suddenly melted. I would give him a hint. In colored glass
lah there is gold - it is added to get a red tone.
   Finally I approached the prison. I was still not allowed
see. So I overheard Galbraith's conversation with the sheriff.
   “That’s all Sonk Hogben,” the producer repeated. - Believe me, it's him
rebuilt the projector!
   “I saw you,” Abernathy answered. - You did everything yourself. Oh!
- He grabbed his jaw with his hand. - Stop it, hurry up!
The crowd is serious. Half the people in town are going crazy
for toothache.
   Apparently, half of the urbanthe teeth had gold fillings. That
What Galbraith said to this did not really surprise me.
   - I am expecting the arrival of a commission from New York; this evening
I’ll call the institute, they’ll vouch for me.
   This means he was planning to sell us all the way. I feel like
Val what's on his mind.
   - You will save me from toothache - and everyone else too, and
Otherwise I'll open the doors and let the lynch mob in! - The sheriff groaned. And
went to apply an ice pack to his cheek.
   I sneaked back into the corridor and made noise so that Galbraith
heard. I waited until he finished scolding me to the fullest extent.
He pretended to look stupid.
   “Apparently, I made a mistake,” I say. - But I can fix everything.
   - Yes, you have corrected enough. -He stopped here. By-
godi. What did you say? Can you cure this... What is it?
   “I examined the gun,” I say. - I think I know where I hit it.
It's now tuned to gold, and all the gold in the city is emitting
heat rays or something like that.
   “Induced selective radioactivity,” muttered
Galbraith is another nonsense. - Listen. This whole crowd... You have
ever get lynched?
   “No more than once or twice a year,” I reassured. - And these two times already
behind us - so we have fulfilled the annual quota. It's a pity that I can't-
Guess we can transport you to our home. We could easily hide you.
   - You better do something! - Speaks. - Otherwise I
I'll call a commission from New York!After all, you don’t really like it,
su, huh?
   Never have I seen a man with an honest face so brazenly
lied to my face.
   “It’s true,” I say. - I'll twist this thing so that
she will extinguish the rays in no time. But I don’t want people to
they called us, the Hogbenovs, with this matter. We love to live in peace. Here
what, let me go to your hotel and set everything up properly, and then...
then you will gather those who are struggling with their teeth and pull the trigger.
   - But... Yes, but...
   He was afraid that things might get worse. But I persuaded him. On
The crowd was going wild in the street, so it didn’t take much persuasion.
In the end I spat and left, but returned unseen and overheard.
It's crazy how Galbraith makes an agreement with the sheriff.
   They got along well with each other. Everyone who has toothache will gather
and sit down in the mayor's office.  Then Abernathy will bring the producer with
with a gun and try to cure everyone. - Will the toothache stop? -
The sheriff insisted. - Exactly?
   - I... I'm quite sure that it will stop.
   Abernathy sensed his hesitation.
   “Then it’s better to try it on me first.” I don't trust you.
Apparently, no one trusted anyone. I walked to the hotel and did a few things
changed in the gun. And then I got into trouble. My invisibility is
shied. That's how bad it is to be a teenager.
   When I become a hundred or two years older, I will remain...
remain invisible as much as you like. But I haven’t really gotten the hang of it yet.
The main thing is that now I couldn'tdo without help because I have to
was to do one thing that could not be taken on by everyone
eyes.
   I went up to the roof and mentally called out to little Sam. When
tuned into his brain, asked to call dad and uncle Les.
A little later Uncle Les came down from the sky; he flew heavily,
Why did you carry daddy? Dad swore: they forcibly dodged the cor-
shuna.
   “But no one saw us,” Uncle Les consoled him. - In my opinion.
“The townspeople have their mouths full of troubles today,” I answered. - I need help.  The producer promised one thing, but he himself is planning to let
the commission is here to examine us all.
   “In that case, nothing can be done,” said dad. You can't
screw this guy. Grandpa forbade it.
   Then I told them my plan. Dad is invisible, he gets it all
It will be easier than ever. That's why we drilled a hole in the roof so that
spy, and looked into Galbraith's room. And just in time.
The sheriff was already standing there with a pistol in his hand (so he was waiting), and
Vessor, turning green, pointed his gun at Abernathy. Everything went without
bitch, without a hitch. Galbraith pulled the trigger and a
a purple ring of light and that's it. Moreover, the sheriff opened his mouth and swallowed.
zero saliva.
   - Your truth! The tooth doesn't hurt!
   Galbraith was sweating profusely, but pretended that everything was going according to plan.
well.
   “Of course it works,” he said. - Naturally. I'm talking
ril.
   - Let's go to the mayor's office. They are waiting for you. I advisecure everyone, otherwise you
not good.
   They left. Dad secretly followed them, and Uncle Les picked up
picked me up and flew after me, staying close to the rooftops so that we
didn't notice.  Soon we settled down at one of the windows of the city hall and
began to observe.
   I have never seen such passions, except for the London miracle.
we. The hall was packed, people were rolling around in pain, moaning and howling.
Abernathy came in with the producer - the producer was carrying a gun - and that was all.
they screamed even louder. Galbraith set up a gun on stage, with the muzzle pointed towards
public, the sheriff pulled out his gun again, ordered everyone to be quiet and
promised that now everyone’s toothache will go away.
   I didn’t see Dad, of course, but I knew he was on stage.  C
something unthinkable was happening with a gun. Nobody noticed except me
Nah, but I was watching closely. Dad, - of course, invisible -
made some amendments. I explained everything to him, but he himself didn’t
I understood what was happening worse than I did. And so he quickly adjusted the gun
as it should.
   And then what happened - the end of the world. Galbraith took aim, fired
trigger, rings of light flew out of the gun - this time yellow. I
asked dad to choose a range so that outside the me-
riya did not offend anyone. But inside...
   Well, their toothache went away. After all, a person cannot
suffer from a gold filling, if he has no filling at all
no no.
   Now the gun was adjusted in such a way that it affected all non-living things.
howl.Dad chose the range point to point. The chairs suddenly disappeared
and part of the chandelier.  The audience huddled together, so it was bad for them.
moose The lanky Jeff not only lost his wooden leg, but
and a glass eye. Who had false teeth, not a single one remained
moose Many seemed to have had their heads shaved.
   And I didn’t see a dress on anyone. Shoes are inanimate, just like
trousers, shirts, skirts.  In no time, everyone in the hall found themselves wearing
mother gave birth. But this is no big deal, their teeth stopped hurting,
right?
   An hour later we were sitting at home - everyone except Uncle Les - as
suddenly the door opens and Uncle Les comes in, and behind him, staggering,
producer  Galbraith looked most pathetic. He sank to
floor, breathing heavily, wheezing and anxiously looking at the door.
   “An interesting story,” said Uncle Les. - I’m flying over ok-
the corner of the town and suddenly I see: the producer is running, and behind him is a whole
there is a crowd, and everyone is wrapped in sheets. So I grabbed it. Enough
drove here as he wanted.
   And he winked at me.
   - Oh-oh-oh!  - Galbraith groaned. - Ah-ah-ah! Are they coming here?
Mommy came to the door. - Look how many torches are climbing up the mountain, -
she said. - This is not good.
   The producer looked at me fiercely.
   - You said you could hide me!  So, now
hide! All because of you!
   “Nonsense,” I say.
   - Hide, otherwise you will wish! - Galbraith squealed. -I... I'll call
commission here.
   - Well, that's it, -I said. - If we shelter you, promise for-
be about the commission and leave us alone?
   The producer promised.
   “Just a minute,” I said and went up to the mezzanine to see my grandfather. He doesn't
slept.
   - How, grandpa? - I asked.
   For a second he listened to little Sam.
   “The scoundrel is disingenuous,” he said soon. - He wants everything -
but call that mangy commission, contrary to all your promises.
   - Maybe we shouldn’t hide it?
   “No, why not,” said grandpa. - The Hogbens gave their word more
don't kill. And to hide a fugitive from his pursuers is the right thing to do
good.
   Maybe he winked. You can't tell grandpa. I went down
stairs Galbraith stood at the door - watched as they climbed up the mountain -
there are torches.
   He clung to me like that.
   - Sonk! If you don't hide me...
   “I’ll hide it,” I answered. - Went.
   We took him to the basement...
   When a mob led by Sheriff Abernathy rushed in, we
pretended to be simpletons. They allowed us to dig up the whole house. Little Sam
and grandpa became invisible for a while, no one noticed them. And, of course
themselves, the crowd found no trace of Galbraith. We're good at it
covered as promised.
   Several years have passed since then. Prokhvessor is like cheese in butter
rides.  But he’s not the only one who doesn’t examine us. Sometimes we take it out
from the bottle where it is stored and examine it ourselves.
   And the bottle is tiny!