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e-mail: warrax@croco.net
A parable about how a certain persistent homosexual was looking for
the path to salvation, and what came of it.
Amazing people, these American gays! (However, European
too.) In order to fight for their rights, they besieged the church and
they are trying to take it alternately by storm and by starvation: they are fighting for
church wedding, create their own communities and their own pastors,
demand to delete from the Bible those passages where Moses and the Apostle
Paul speaks impartially about their sexual orientation;
finally, having lost their last shame, they declare that Jesus himself
was... that. For which he died. There is a lot of noise, indignation from the outside
There are even more traditional Christians.
I am also outraged, but for different reasons. I think these guys
They don't realize how lucky they are. They are not allowed to go where
a normal person has nothing to do; and they don't
rejoice, for some reason they force their way in there... One word, perverts!
Let's delve into the essence of the problem and consider this long-standingconflict on
practice. Suppose you, dear reader, are homosexual (yes
don’t worry so much, I’m purely theoretical!), and you were impatient
to be saved. You come to Church, you explain, so, they say, and so...
Then the following dialogue occurs (given in a free version
while maintaining the main meaning).
PRIEST: Are you really crazy, bro? This is the Church, come here
No fagots allowed!
GAY: How, in general? But maybe I want to save my soul...
S. (with doubt in his voice): Really? Well, come in... Only your own people
Leave your vile inclinations at the door! You still have a long time to repent
God will have to forgive...
G.: Why?
S.: Because it is an abomination and an unforgivable sin. Not
little one, he must understand!
G.: Why is it a sin? I don’t rape anyone, I don’t seduce anyone, I don’t
I'm even deceiving...
S.: Yes, because this is not what the Lord created you for!
G.: In my opinion, just for this. Otherwise why am I with women?
It doesn’t work out, but with men - as much as you want?
S.: Shut up, shut up, I don’t even want to hear about these nasty things! What
only sinners don’t come up with ideas to justify their
depravity! (Thinking.) Fucking is generally a sin, let alone
show originality in this matter... It doesn’t work out - and the glory
God!
G: But still...
S.: Oh, how you got me! Well, read the Bible, if I don't
believe!
G. (tiredly): I’m probably very stupid, but I still don’t understand. If
God -This is Absolute Good, then He must hate evil.
There is murder, theft, deception, violence... But I’m nothing like that
I don't. (With slight irritation.) And why the hell is He getting into my
privacy if I don't harm anyone? What evil is there
to fuck this way and not that way?
S.: Your logic, my son, is clearly lacking. And no wonder: what
Can a person whose place is at the bucket understand good and evil? Not
God hates what is evil, but vice versa: everything that is not
God pleases, be it even the most harmless, even the most
a thing useful to humanity automatically becomes evil and
an abomination. Who is the Boss here? God! It's up to him to decide!
G: Okay, why doesn’t God like sleeping with men? Then
there is... I wanted to say, if He doesn’t like it, then there’s no need, I
I don’t insist, but why should we ban it?
S.: I see you don’t understand logical arguments. Let's turn
directly to the word of God. (Takes a huge Bible from the lectern.
The gay man recoils in fear.) Don’t be afraid, I won’t hit you... yet.
Do you know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah?
G: I heard something...
S.: So, listen carefully. Maybe in your stubbornness
in the sins of the soul, some pure feeling will awaken.
(In a hypnotic voice.) At that time the Lord learned that the cultivators
zones of Sodom turned into snags and, forgetting about concepts, are taken aback
everyone. And He decided to go thereto look at
this chaos with my own eyes, and went, pretending to be three
wanderers. But the Lord overestimated his strength. Turned out to be cool
the lads of Sodom are extremely tough, and if not for the help of one
a local fraer named Lot... In short, the Lord barely took his feet away from
Sodom zone. But then I lay down, gathered my strength and this
showed Kuzka's mother to sodomites!!! Got it?
G. (obviously, during this story he was overwhelmed by various
feelings, not only pure ones): Yeah... Just what attitude
do these ancient maniacs have something to do with me? I'm not going to give up
God, rather, on the contrary... Where is the morality?
S.: And the moral is as simple as two fingers: since then our
Just and Merciful Lord of ALL YOU FAGOTS,
HATES!!! So do not increase your guilt by the sin of stubbornness and
disobedience, but better think about how you can save yourself from our
Just and Merciful... I warn you in a good way -
repent before it's too late!
How did this story end? Don't know. The fate of Gay and his soul
depends on you, dear reader. Imagine yourself in his place
and choose one of three behavior options (see test key).
below).
1. You leave the Church, spitting, with a strong intention
never go back there again - and let her go to hell,
this soul! (1)
2. You fall to your knees and, shedding tears, swear that
never,never again... (2)
3. you continue to argue with the Priest, and after making sure
the meaninglessness of this activity, you invent your own God, who
loves gays and is generally like that himself. (3)
Key to the test:
1. IMHO, you are a normal person.
2. Congratulations, you are a true Christian.
3. Congratulations, you are an American gay man.
P.S. Pelevin also discovered that the Kingdom of Heaven is amazing
looks like a zone: therefore, I hope readers will not be offended that
that in the Priest’s speech sometimes very familiar words slip through
expressions and intonations...
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