Anigdot No. 46 - Great hair dryers!? WHAT ?? Look below!

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  ▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
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▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
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             Great hair dryers!? WHAT ??  Look below!
 Hey fen - you know that you love SPE... And what is SPE...
probably SPECCY - YES andNO. SPE... this is your beloved and respected
much-desired (hopefully by everyone) “new” Moscow magazine dedicated to BEST
computer on ZXNet (that’s crazy!) and not only there, but everywhere on-
light --> this is SPECTROFON 20. Yes, it is already out and buy it
You can go to Inforcom & MAGIC SOFT!!! Well, OLDMAN tried his best,
he is now a technical designer there and in SPECTROFON everything is simple
SUPER! And the graphics are at the highest level - there is also the best artist in
Moscow! After all, everything looks cool and ENLIGHT has been written about, but with
Photos by participants! New interface and once again COOL.
 Yes, we will probably delay the next issue, it will be released on Saturday
or Sunday. In any case, you will find the latest numbers at
STRYKER's BBS!!!
   WAIT AND HOPE FOR THE BEST - BE AN OLD MAN AND TWO OLD...!!!
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                         -=RECOMMENDED=-
          I sell and collect phones with caller ID to order!
       Some characteristics of the standard configuration:

- phone case type TECHNICA P-2308 (PANASONIC family)
- extended keyboard (23 buttons)
- large flat red indicator (70X15 mm)
- ELLIS type Caller ID circuitry (for micro-processors of the INTEL series)
- software version RUSS 22C+ (SUPER NEW)

   Main service capabilities of Caller ID "RUS-22C+" (ELLIS):

- notebook for 100 numbers
- memory for storing information about callers per 100
numbers
-memory of outgoing numbers for 100 numbers
- 10 universal alarm clocks with 20 different melodies
- number identification mode when dialing on a parallel phone
- ANTI-Caller ID mode
- warning mode about listening to conversations by strangers
persons
- remote control mode
- digital volume control
- call forwarding modes (by time and number)
nenta
- mixed request mode, which provides number identification
by 99.9%
- "line capture" mode - this mode captures (busy)
ie) telephone line for your conversation, as soon as the line
will be released
- auto search mode for phone numbers using 2 or more digits
- mode of blocking access to a long-distance line, using
lock-lock provided in the TECHNICA housing

  At the request of the customer, the Caller ID configuration can additionally
included:

- super large red indicator 90X20 mm.
- speakerphone (SPEAKERPHONE) of three types: 1m./2m./3m.
- voice card (electronic answering machine) for 4 min.
- extended memory for 256 numbers
- electronic device BEEPER

  The phone I purchased comes with a 2 YEAR WARRANTY!!!
The cost of a standard telephone configuration with Caller ID is 225 tr.
Assembly time is 3-7 days.

I also carry out:
- repair of caller IDs of any type
- replacing software versions with the newest ones
- replacement of housings + installation of large indicators
- memory expansion up to 256 numbers
- installationvoice cards for 4 min.
- installation of SPEAKERPHONa
Voice board (digital tape recorder) is an electronic auto-
a transponder designed to record the voice of callers.
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Funeral. Two Ukrainians are carrying a third in the coffin.
Winter, severe frost, wind.
- Mykola, will there be some vodka?
- Let's.
- Will Petro be there?
- That wine is dead!
- What's so dead, why don't you drink?

One day Rzhevsky was getting ready for a ball and asked the orderly:
- Tell me something, sir, that will be possible
tell at the ball...
- Please - there are riddles.
For example: Without windows, without doors, the room is full of people.
- Hmm.. Probably an ass.
- No, it’s a CUCUMBER! And here's another one:
Two ends, two rings - in the middle of the carnations.
- Hmm.. Again an ass.
- So these are scissors!
Well, Rzhevsky came to the ball and said:
- I learned a wonderful riddle, gentlemen!
Two ends, two rings - the ass is full of cucumbers.
- ??????!!!!!!
- So these are scissors, gentlemen!

A man comes out of the bar and says:
- I wonder what it smells like...
Passerby:
- This is fresh air...

Little Red Riding Hood started menstruating, she was scared, there was blood
flows, runs up to the wolf and asks:
- Listen, wolf, what happened to me?
The wolf looked closely, thought and said:
- Of course, I’m not a doctor, but I think you’ve lost X@$...- Uncle, did you knock out the tank?
- I!
- Uncle, but this is a Soviet tank!
- I-I! (with German accent)

At the factory there is an inscription: “Finished, wipe off the machine.”

- Lieutenant, how do you feel about homosexuals?
- Yes, sir, here I am...

- Lieutenant, how do you find my chest?
- With difficulty, madam.

- Yesterday I saved a woman from rape...
- Oh, interesting, Lieutenant, tell me!
- Ah, I just persuaded her.

Natasha Rostova is nineteen.
A birthday girl enters a dark room with a pie on which there are burning
only eighteen candles.
“Hussars,” she addresses those present, “are not on the pie.”
I found room for one candle, where should I put it?
- Gentlemen, not a word about n#z^e! - the voice of the Lieutenant is heard
Rzhevsky.

- Lieutenant, yesterday you slept with me, but today you didn’t even
don't want to say hello!
- Madam, a bed is not a reason for dating.

- Lieutenant, they say that you were a member of the court in your youth?
- Ah, youth... A dick here, a dick here...

- Lieutenant, you’ve been fucking me for two hours now, but you haven’t said anything.
one word of love...
- Oh, sorry - I love you, cornet.

- What are you doing on my back, Lieutenant?
- I'm looking for breasts, madam.
- Yes, they are in front...
- I already looked there, madam.

Lieutenant Rzhevsky came to Pierre Bezukhov’s estate,
but he was not at home.
“Should I shit on the piano?”
- thought the Lieutenant, and added out loud:
- No, province, sir, they won’t understand...

Young Lieutenant Rzhevsky plays in the theater.
His first rolewas that the Lieutenant should go to
scene, say “Balabuev, here is your cane” and give it back.
The Hussars argued with the Lieutenant that he would make a mistake and instead of his last name
Balabuev will say Balakhuev out of excitement.
And now the performance is going on and Rzhevsky goes on stage.
“Balabuev,” says Lieutenant and looks triumphantly at the stalls, “here
Your x@#...

Lieutenant Rzhevsky lies in bed with Natasha Rostova.
“You, Natasha, are just like a heating radiator,” he compliments
  Lieutenant Rzhevsky.
  -What, so warm?
  - No, it’s so ribbed...

Lieutenant Rzhevsky is going to a ball. The Lieutenant's orderly sees
how he smears the end with cologne.
- Your Brod, why are you doing this?
- Yes, just in case.
After some time, the Lieutenant begins to apply cologne
ass.
- Why is this, Your Honor!?
- Yes, there are different cases...

Lieutenant Rzhevsky comes to visit Natasha Rostova.
- Natasha, I just came up with a new pose - I called it
beaver pose, let's go to the stairs.
The lieutenant and Natasha go out onto the stairs and Rzhevsky puts her on
quadruples.
- Lieutenant, it’s usually cancer...
- No, Natasha, you should chew on the railings!

- Natasha, you have already been married to Lieutenant Rzhevsky for two years,
and you still don’t have children...
- Oh, mom, so that I can swallow this nasty stuff at least once...

Lieutenant Rzhevsky tells the hussars his dream.
- I'm walking through the forest and I see...
- Ass!!! - shout the hussars, knowing the style very wellLieutenant.
- No, I see a small house, so I go up to this house and
I see...
- Ass!!! - the hussars shout.
- No, it’s a door, I walk through this door and see...
- Ass!!! - the hussars shout.
“Yes,” Lieutenant Rzhevsky was confused, “what, I’ve already given you this dream.”
did you tell me?

Young Lieutenant Rzhevsky read in a book about the rules of good
tone of how to talk to ladies. There were given approximate
Topics of conversation: about animals, about the weather, about music, about love.
The lieutenant was not slow to take advantage of the advice and decided to introduce
to hang out with a lady who was walking with a lap dog.
“What a small dog you have,” said the Lieutenant and, approaching
closer, kicked her with his boot - something flew low, towards the rain
apparently.
However, I am Lieutenant Rzhevsky, I have a drum at home, let’s go
Let's #fight...

A drug addict (H) is sitting with a dog (C) - he is guarding the warehouse.
Suddenly he hears a rustling sound.
(H): Hemp, face!
(C): Oh well, bummer, I'd rather bark.

Don Juan (X) is walking through the forest with Castaneda, they see a cuckoo (K)
sitting:
X: Cuckoo, cuckoo, how many years do I have left to live?
K: Kar-p-p-p!
H: Oh! This is a sign of POWER!

There's a knock on the door. They open it.
- Did you call MosKastrat?
- No.
- Fuck it, it's paid!

Once the traffic cop stopped the Mercedes 600.
The aunt emerges from him all dressed up, well, everything is as it should be.
G - you violated the fine!
T - of course, take as much as you need in the glove compartment.
G - opens the glove compartment, there is a press of money.
Well, he took a hundred bucks and said:
G - Listen, who do you work for?
T- I'm a blowjob!!
Are you sucking s**t or what?
T - well, how to say it. Do you have a Merc? Do you have a summer house? do you have money?
G - Yes, what is it!!! I'm glad about the hundred, about the dacha and the car and not
I stutter!!!
T - Well, you suck dick, and I’m a blowjob girl!!!!!

Concentration camp. Gas chamber. A crowd of people was driven into it and already
close the door.
Then the general’s orderly comes running and shouts not to close the door.
and asks the people:
- Do any of you know how to lay tiles? Here to Mr. General
The fireplace needs to be tiled.
A man comes out and says:
- Well, I’ve been laying kazhel all my life. How much will he pay?
- 1 mark per m^2.
- Yes, for such a price, let him pay for it himself! Close!!!

It means (B)apuh is sitting in a chair, bored.
Calls (C) his meadow:
(B) I’m bored Vanya, bored...
(C) (lowering his pants):
You need to get married, master, you need to get married...

Late in the evening, a nun passes by a tavern.
Suddenly a drunk man runs out of the door, knocks her down and
starts beating. After a few minutes the nun does not serve
signs of life.
The man caught his breath:
-You're not that cool Batman!

Announcement in the cafeteria (true truth):
“Don’t put your fingers and eggs in the salt shaker!”
                         Administration

Two drunk guys slowly move along the fence.
One is on all fours, the other is holding onto the fence.
Who at the fence asks:
- Vasya, do you respect me?
And he told him from below:
- I ADMIRE you!

A woman arrives from the south with a suitcase of money.
(M)w: Where did so many come from?money?
(F): Earned!
(M): (starting to guess):
Oh you went @@a! Yes, I won’t give even 10 kopecks for you now!
(F): And I didn’t take any more...

2 businessmen meeting
(1): Will you take a carload of sugar for 40 'lemons'?
(2): I'll take it!
(1) and (2) disperse, preoccupied: (2) in search of money, (1) for
search for sugar.

The drug addicts went to the roof to smoke a joint...
Lights up, lights up an H1 (experienced, such) joint - not enough
effect, does not come to mind.
H1: - The herb is kind of weak, doesn’t work
H2: - How will you know when it will work?
H1: - But you see, there is a green dog.
When it flies, it means it worked!
...
At the entrance, two homeless people are sitting, making ferment. We drank one, two,
had a bite.
One says to the other:
- Listen, you and I seemed to have only pulled the second, but it already gave -
you see - the dog flew.
- This is not ours - this is from drug addicts!

That means (I)lya Muromets, (D)obrynya Nikitich and Alyosha are sitting
Popovich is in the cave, fermenting.
Then (Z)mei-gorynych flies up and says:
- Guys, can I sit here?
(I) - Fuck you!
(Z) flew away. It's starting to rain outside here.
(3) again:
- Well, guys, can I sit here?
(I) - Fuck you!
 Again (Z) flew away. And there’s already lightning, hail, and, in general, shit outside.
(Z) - Well, guys, it’s raining, lightning, etc. - can I be here?
Shall I sit in the corner?
(I) - Fuck you!
(D) - Come on, are you sorry? Sit!
(Z) crawled into a corner, sat, whispered:
- Fuck you, fuck you... Maybe I live here...A man comes to a store and there is a machine on display like this:
above it is the inscription "woman's substitute" and a hole.
Well, the guy sticks it in there and then he starts screaming...
He pulls it out - and there is a button sewn on IT....

Once a man went to the store, and so that his little
my son wasn’t bored, put headphones on him and turned on the record
with a fairy tale.
Half an hour later a man comes home and sees this picture:
His son bangs his head against the wall and shouts:
“I want... I want...” The man took the headphones, and there:
"Baby, do you want me to tell you a story... Baby, do you want me to tell you
a fairy tale for you... Baby, would you like me to tell you a fairy tale..."

Armenian radio answers the question:
The mouse for the new Russian is lead and has four holes.
wireless. in common parlance - brass knuckles.

The doorbell rings.
- They called a plumber, fuck your daughter?
“Man, what are you doing?” the door slams sharply.
- Well, sit without water, fuck your daughter!

Two blue guys are sitting, the first one starts flirting:
(1) - Darling, darling...
(2) - Go away, I have my period today!!!
(1) - ?????!!!!!
(2) - I ate too many rotten apples!!!

Q: Why do blacks smell so bad?
A: So that even a blind man could hate them!

Ilya Muromets is riding through the forest and sees the Nightingale the Robber on a tree,
Ilya asks:
Who are you? - no answer,
- Why are you sitting here?  no answer
- Why are you silent? - again no answer,
- Well, on S#ka!!!.
I crushed the Nightingale's jaw and went on business.
He goes back, sees the Nightingale again,asks again
- Why are you sitting? - Why are you silent?, again without an answer.
- Well, get it bitch!!!.
He breaks another part of his face and goes home.
A few days later he passes through this place again, again to the Nightingale,
- Why are you sitting?
- Why are you silent? Again no answer.
Ilya breaks a few more bones of the Nightingale, and the Robber begs
in a hoarse voice:
"Yes, I live here, I live and live!!!"

One man (1) asks another (2):
(1) - Are there any generals who are prostitutes?
(2) - There is such a general and you know him!

There is a Russian language lesson at the CIA school.
Teacher:
- Does anyone have questions about the “liquor store” situation?
- One agent raises his hand:
- Sir, please explain in the phrase “Guys, who is the last
for vodka?", where should the indefinite article appear?
"fucking"?

Telegram to Kashpirovsky:
Dear Anatoly Mikhailovich!
Thank you very much for your help.
After the first session I felt better,
after the second I started walking, and after the third my
cadaveric stains and dissolved stitches from the autopsy.

- Girl, how old are you?
- Fifteen.
- But you won’t give it right away....
- I'll give you, I'll give you!

A colonel stands in front of the line of soldiers and says:
- If you are so stupid that you can’t remember the commander’s order,
then buy yourself a notebook and write it down, like I do!

The programmer went to the seaside to relax, sits on the beach - he’s bored
without a computer, suddenly sees a beautiful woman nearby, also alone,
he approaches her andsays:
Why are you sitting here alone, there are so many handsome men here.
And she says:
- Well, who do you work for?
- A programmer.
- Just imagine, you come to the beach, and there from the edge to
edge computers, computers, computers...
The programmer looked at the beach in one direction, then in the other, and
dreamily:
- Yes... and all Pentiums.

There is an exam in progress.
The old professor coughed and addressed the test takers:
"Sorry, fellow students, but if there is anyone in class right now
someone who is not copying from a textbook, would you be so kind as to lend me
I’ll give it back to me in a couple of minutes!”

War... The whistle of bombs, the roar of exploding shells...
A messenger runs from dugout to dugout along the trenches. Suddenly right next to
There is an explosion with him and he is thrown out of the trench into a nearby crater.
The soldier came to his senses and looked at someone lying at the bottom of the crater:
legs, arms torn off, no eyes, just a continuous mess, in short.
And it says:
- Brother... listen... brother... finish me...
Well, the one without a market takes out a gun and shoots.
- Thank you, brother...

Wedding. There's a knock on the door. They open it.
- Did you order a fight?
- No.
- We don’t know anything, okay!

An American submarine went off course.
They surfaced and saw a man sitting on the shore, fishing.
Captain:
- where are we, mister?
- fuck you @#$!
- gentlemen, we are in Russia!

Theological Seminary.
Refectory. At a long table they eat a modest meal (that God
sent) seminarians. After finishing the meal, everyone goes toend of the table, where there are apples in a vase. Attached above the vase
a piece of paper on which is written:
"Take one apple. God is watching over you."
At the other end of the table there is a bowl of cookies and a note next to it:
"Grab the cookies while God is watching the apples"

(M)zhik fucks (B)aba doggy style, and then he got a little screwed.
(M) - Honey, I’ll run and pee in the toilet, then we’ll come too
let's continue.
(B) - Darling, don’t go - otherwise fast Gonzales will come and fuck you
me!
The guy thought, why would some Gonzales fuck his woman?
and continues to fuck. It’s stuck here again, so much so that the jackass
has arrived.
(M) - Darling, maybe I should get off the bed onto the floor and we’ll continue?
(B) - No way, fast Gonzales will come and fuck me!
There’s nothing to do, the guy keeps staring, but there’s urine coming out of his ears
starts to flow.
(M) - Darling, let’s do this: I take out my penis, insert my finger, stsu,
I take out my finger, insert my penis and we continue!?
(B) - Under no circumstances will fast Gonzales come and fuck me!
(M) (well, not really at all) - To hell with your Gonzales, come on
(B) - Come on, just quickly!
Well, here the man takes out his penis, inserts his finger, sucks, takes it out
finger and inserts his penis into the ass of the fast Gonzales.

There is a wrestling match between a Russian and a Japanese.
The Russian is clearly losing. But suddenly the course of the match changes and
the Russian suddenly wins.
...
Press conference with the winner:
Journalists:
How did it happen that you were losing, and suddenly you won? Youwhat
used a prohibited technique?
Russian:
No. He spins me - spins, he spins me - spins, I look
eggs, I'll bite for them!
Journalists: And what happened next?
English: What do you think a person who can do
bit myself in the balls!

Train. Coupe.
A father and son are traveling from the village, and an intellectual sits next to them.
A handsome-looking man and a similar-looking girl.
The son gets up and says to his father:
"Dad, I'll go to the #su."
B:
"Well, go ahead."
The guy went, did what he wanted, thirty minutes later again:
"Dad, I'll go to the #su
B:
"Well, go ahead"
He returns and after a while leaves again with the same
words. As soon as the door closes, the intellectual says:
"Could you tell your child to be nicer?
expressed himself, there is still a woman here..."
A boy comes, and his father slaps him on the head:
- Dad, for what?
- The girl isn’t fucking sitting, and you “I’ll go along the #su, I’ll go along the #su”

The Tsar Father had two daughters, and his daughters’ mentor was
Zhukovsky (the poet was like that). And then one day they all travel together
in the carriage for a walk and suddenly the eldest daughter sees what is written on
fence is a well-known three-letter word. Naturally sets
question to the father-king, and he immediately “turns his arrows” to
Zhukovsky, who explains to his daughter what is in Ukrainian
there is such a verb - hovat, which means to remove, hide somewhere
-or anything. And the imperative mood from this verb and
there will be exactly the word inscribed on the fence.The king liked the answer so much that he took out his watch and handed it to him.
Zhukovsky and says: “Well, _HIDE_!”
Zhukovsky was not at a loss and answered:
"Thank you SO MUCH"!

Conversation between mother-in-law (T) and son-in-law (Z):
(T) - Would you like some tea?
(Z) - Yes, why not!
(T) - No, that’s not it
(Z) - ????!!!!!

Father (B) finishes the service and calls the young woman to him
parishioner:
“Come on, Mashenka,” and she, “What, father, are you fucking again?”
B:
“Yes again, because fucking is not b@#dstvo, but human pleasure.”

Boss to secretary:
- When you called my wife and said that I would be late
I’ll be late at work, how did she react?
- She asked:
"Can I firmly count on this?"

At the state exam at the medical institute, the graduate is shown two skeletons
- male and female:
-Who is this?
The student hesitates.
- How - you don’t know? What did they teach you at the institute for six years?
He timidly:
- Marx and Engels, or what?

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Editor-in-Chief: Mr.ZERO, Ilya, t. 499-3117
Technical editor: M&G Corp., Igor, t. 496-6159

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