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▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
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▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▀▄ M&G Corp.
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▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
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░░25.10.96░░░░░ ░ R ▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
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/ / ! ! /$$$$ /$$$$ WE !G !
/ /__ !____! $$$$$$ $$$$$$ A ! O!
/ /----!----! $$$$$$ $$$$$$ LIVE!!!! O!
/ / ! ! $$$$/ $$$$/ ! D!
///////////////\/////////////////
We're back! YES! STORMAL APPLAUSE!
We had a little trouble, but as they say everything is O.K.
And so guys I want to ask you: WHY when I sent out 44 you-
did all BBS have only 42 number A? Trouble is happening here
comrades (what a word!) Sisips - be a little more energetic!?
A little joy :-)) Soon - very soon we will have a new chi-
talka (simply super, the best of the best, the most beautiful, etc. and
etc. etc.)!!!
Dudes, do you know that SPEECY is alive..... huh? If no or yes-
Well, we (spectrumists) have and will have our own DOOM!!!
I’ll ask you briefly and in a Dumerian way!!!
MEET ME IN HELL!!!
WELLCOM TO HELL!!!
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
-=RECOMMENDED=-
I sell and collect phones with caller ID to order!
Some characteristics of the standard configuration:
- phone case type TECHNICA P-2308 (PANASONIC family)
- extended keyboard (23 buttons)
- large flat red indicator (70X15 mm)
- circuitry of caller ID type ELLIS (for micro-processors of the INTEL series)
- software version RUSS 22C+ (SUPER NEW)
Main service capabilities of Caller ID "RUS-22C+" (ELLIS):
- notebook for 100numbers
- memory for storing information about callers per 100
numbers
- memory of outgoing numbers for 100 numbers
- 10 universal alarm clocks with 20 different melodies
- number identification mode when dialing on a parallel phone
- ANTI-Caller ID mode
- warning mode about listening to conversations by strangers
persons
- remote control mode
- digital volume control
- call forwarding modes (by time and number)
nenta
- mixed request mode, which provides number identification
by 99.9%
- "line capture" mode - this mode captures (busy)
ie) telephone line for your conversation, as soon as the line
will be released
- auto search mode for phone numbers using 2 or more digits
- mode of blocking access to a long-distance line, using
lock-lock provided in the TECHNICA housing
At the request of the customer, the Caller ID configuration can additionally
included:
- super large red indicator 90X20 mm.
- speakerphone (SPEAKERPHONE) of three types: 1m./2m./3m.
- voice card (electronic answering machine) for 4 min.
- extended memory for 256 numbers
- electronic device BEEPER
The phone I purchased comes with a 2 YEAR WARRANTY!!!
The cost of a standard telephone configuration with Caller ID is 225 tr.
Assembly time is 3-7 days.
I also carry out:
- repair of caller IDs of any type
- replacing software versions with the newest ones
- housing replacement +installation of large indicators
- memory expansion up to 256 numbers
- installation of voice cards for 4 minutes.
- installation of SPEAKERPHONa
Voice board (digital tape recorder) is an electronic auto-
a transponder designed to record the voice of callers.
QUALITY GUARANTEED!!!
Call: 496-61-59 (IGOR) 19:00-23:00
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A man (M) is crawling through the desert, without water for a day, and suddenly he sees a BOTTLE
M - crawls up, opens, BA, there is no water - but there is gin (D)
D: I listen and obey, my lord.
What do you want...
M: (with all my strength) I want to go home....
D: Well let's go...
M: So I quickly want...
D: Well then let’s run
Night. Dark room. The light of a working monitor. Sitting at the computer
Negro, types the combination
...
And sings a song: I like to move it, move it
A man comes to join the party...
He is asked:
Why did you write in your application “Please accept me into the ranks
KP...", and where is "SS"?
M: - And I already served in the SS...
The 600th Mercedes crashed into Zapor's rear at an intersection.
My brother comes out and looks - the bumper is concave, the headlights...
And constipation has a broken butt. What to do - you have to pay.
Brother says to grandfather from Zapor:
“Here’s a thing for you, just tell me how to fix it faster.”
Grandfather comes out and carefully examinesand says:
“Come up behind me and blow hard into the pipe that sticks out near
the front end will straighten you out."
What to do - bent over, blowing. Behind this activity his lads and
catches.
“What are you doing?” - kind of with surprise...
He explains - I correct it, they say, but for some reason nothing
comes out.
Here the biggest one walks around the car and triumphantly:
"@DUCK, YOUR HATCH IS OPEN!!!"
Natasha talks with Rzhevsky
H: Rzhevsky, what did you do last night?
R: Fucked horses, sir
H: After all, this is low
R: To those who are low, those from the stool
Natasha was offended and left! The next day she talks with
kophetom, friend of Rzhevsky!
H: Tell me, cornet, is Rzhevsky a low man or a joker?
K: I think he’s a joker, sir
H: Why do you think so?
K: When we were fucking the horses, he knocked the stool out from under me!
Three kids meet.
One asks the other:
"How old are you?"
- "Four".
- “What about you?”
- Four."
- “What about you?”
- “I don’t know.”
- “Well, tell me, are you attracted to women?”
- "No"
- “Then three.”
In third grade, the teacher addresses the students:
- “Children, tell me which astronauts you know?”
- "Gagarin, Titov" - correct
- “What about you, Vova? Who would you like to add?"
- “My dad and mom are astronauts.”
- “You’re confusing something.”
- “No, I’m not confused. I woke up last night and heard - dad to mom
says:
"Well, let's fly...?"
And mom answers:
- “Have you put on a spacesuit?”
- "No"
- “Then the flight is cancelled.”
The day before the first round of presidential electionselections
decided to ban the broadcast of the ballet "Swan Lake",
considering it election propaganda for General Lebed
Lieutenant Rzhevsky gets up in the morning and goes straight to the mirror.
His mouth opens and looks between his teeth, he has a raspberry seed.
That's what he thinks, yesterday at the ball I kissed Natasha Rostova, she
in turn, took Count Vyazemsky into his mouth, and the Count into his
turn $%^fucked his servant in the ass for eating all
raspberries
A young girl goes to a disco, her mother teaches her wisdom
- There young people will pester you, so you will respond to all of them
answer apps
“Well, what shall we name the baby?” and everything will be fine.
- Okay, mom.
She comes to the dance party, a guy comes up to her, he wants her
invite you to the room, and she:
- What should we name the baby?
He gets embarrassed and leaves
Another one comes up and invites, and she keeps asking:
- What shall we call the baby?
The guy gets embarrassed and leaves.
The third one comes, picks her up, carries her into the bushes and fucks her.
The woman (already) having caught her breath asks:
- What should we name the baby?
Guy rolling a condom in his hands:
- If chosen, it will be David Copperfield.
Two men meet, one to the other:
- Great, haven’t seen you for a hundred years!!!
- Hello, hello.
- Listen, maybe we can go to a drink shop and meet...!
- Why not.
- Well, no, no.
I bought an HP gold TV.
His friends (also HP) came to him, looked at this matter and
ask:
-Listen, how should I watch this TV show?
He tells them:
- Hey guys, you can’t watch this TV, but it needs to be shown!!!
2 kids meet and start bragging about their parents:
1: Do you know, my mother had an ectopic pregnancy,
and dad gave her a blow job!
2: This is nonsense! But my mother had an extra papal
pregnancy, and dad performed a craniotomy on her!
Two turtles (1) & (2) are crawling through the desert;
camel.
(1) - Vasily Ivanovich, let’s send the camel to hell....
(2) - No need, they’ve already sent Aladdin!
The boy asks his father:
- Who is the most inventive magician in the world?
- Khrushchev, he sowed in virgin lands and harvested in Canada
American researchers decided to find out how people live in Russia
We went into a pub and asked the first guy drinking beer:
- How many cars do you have?
- Two!
- ???
- Right now I’ll hit you with a mug on the head so you don’t ask stupid questions.
questions, one will come for you, the other for me.
An American treats a Russian with black caviar.
“My God, how you are behind us,” says the Russian.
- We ate this fifty years ago!
A traffic police officer (C) is standing on the road. Stops the driver (B),
thinks that now I’ll rip a penny off him...
(C) - Handbrake?
(B) - Okay!
(C) - First aid kit in the cabin?
(B) - Yes!
(C) - Seat belt?
(B) - Fastened!
(C) - ...Well, then at least let me have a smoke....
(B) - Comrade traffic police officer, do you have a pipe?"Sobriety control"
doesn't work!
(C) - HOW!!! (blows, looks at the tube, sighs with relief
...) works!...
A trade union means a labor collective of machine tool masters
milking (traffic police officers, that is).
Chairman: comrades! a son was born into the family of inspector Ivanov.
I propose to help the Ivanov family financially by establishing
on his site there is a sign “no driving over 40”.
A traffic cop (G) slows down a car in the middle of the night.
The sneaky driver gets out.
(D) hands him the phone:
- Yeah! Gotcha, you bastard!
Driver:
- What are you talking about?! I'm sober! If you don't believe me, check your wife!
The same drunk wife gets out of the car, breathes, the result is still
worse.
Driver:
- Yes, your device is faulty! Well, if you don’t believe me, give it to the child!
The wife pulls out a baby in diapers from the back seat.
He breathes, (D) goes nuts and lets everyone go, looking blankly at the device.
The driver (driving away) to his wife:
- I told you - 200 grams will never hurt a child!
The cop stops the car, rummages around it, and demands to open the trunk.
There's a machine gun in the trunk...
- What do you have? - asks the cop
- Calculator!
- What kind of calculator is this?! Here I have [pulls out of pocket
Citizen] - calculator...
- Eh, commander! Do you have a calculator for preliminary calculations?
and for me - for the final ones!...
A tipsy (L) pilot is driving home.
The police officer stops him and sees from his uniform that he is a pilot.
(L): “Did I drive too fast?”
(G): "No, you were flying too low."A highway with a median strip with markings that do not allow
move in opposite directions.
Accident: KamAZ and Zaporozhets collided.
The inspector asks the drivers:
- Guys, how did this happen to you?
Driver of "Zaporozhets":
- Sorry, I've only been driving for 30 days. I thought I'd pass...
The KamAZ driver, such a big guy, says in a hoarse voice:
- I've been driving for 30 years. You can't get past me!
Kettle (H) in the spring you go to Zaporozhets.
First departure. The device is lubricated and primed. Everything shines.
Speed - 45 in the city. Stops the first GUY (1st).
I walked around the device from all sides. There is nothing to complain about. Then
Got a fine for not wearing a seat belt.
(H) slightly overshadowed by the loss of 10 thousand, continued his journey through
city.
The 2nd guy repeated all the maneuvers of the first guy and pulled the belt
security and collected another fine without issuing a receipt for
loose belt.
(H) tightened the safety rope and moved further. 3rd GUY how
twin brother of the first two, stupidly repeating their maneuvers around the car
He stared at the fastened seat belt.
He also wanted 10 thousand. The seat belt was fastened.
Violating the sacred right of private property, the impudent 3rd GAI
I disgustedly stuck my hand into the car interior and made sure that the belt was tightened
- (Ch): ....... without words, against the backdrop of a man’s malicious smile, without
20 thousand in my pocket.
- 3rd GUY: The bitch! I'm ready to hang myself for a chervonets...
One traffic cop on the road = just a traffic cop
Two =brigade
Three = three bastards
Two bricks are flying.
(1) - somehow the weather today is not suitable for flying
(2) - nonsense, as long as the person is good
There is a football match going on.
Commentator:
In the center of the field, a player takes possession of the ball.
It’s immediately obvious that this is a real man!
The snake caught a golden (p)fish.
She, as expected, tells him:
(p) - Let me go, I will fulfill any of your wishes
(m) - Well, let all people be happy, there will never be wars,
etc, etc....
(p) - Your desire is very difficult for me.
Maybe something simpler?
(m) - Well, okay, then let Win'95 be bug-free.
(p) - ...... well... I’d better fulfill your first wish...
A man (M) wakes up in the morning with a hangover.
He feels bad, his head hurts. It means he’s walking among friends with whom
I was drinking the day before.
He goes to the first one.
M: Did we drink yesterday?
1: Well, we drank...
M: Was the little lemon jumping on the table?
1: What kind of lemon are you???
M: Okay, rest. Bye.
Leaves. He goes to the second one. History repeats itself...
He goes to the third - the same thing.
A visit to the fourth drinking buddy.
M: Did we drink yesterday?
4: Drank!
M: Was the little lemon running around the table?
4: (slowly thinking) Lemon, what lemon?... Ah-ah!!!
So that's who squeezed my canary into the tea!!!
A girl (D) is walking along the street in the evening along the fence.
Suddenly a voice:
Stand against the fence doggy style.
D: No, no, I’d rather climb over the fence.
On an exam at the institute.
Rev:
- What do you think the exam is?
Student:
- This is a conversation between two smart people.Rev:
- What if one of them is an idiot?
Student:
- Then the second one will not receive a scholarship.
Rev:
- Okay, let's get the record book.
- writes something, the student looks over his shoulder and sees the letter “O”
thinks “GREAT”, grabs his record book and runs out, then looks
carefully:
The record book says "DONKEY".
The student returns:
Student: - Professor! You just signed up - you forgot the rating
put it!
On an exam at the institute.
It means the girl arrives for the test and looks tenderly at the professor
says:
- Professor! I'm ready to do anything to get credit!
P: - For everything?
D: - Anything!
P: - Well, okay... Go learn it.
Well, that means the circus comes to town and they put up advertisements:
"Talking Horse" come and you won't regret it.
Well, a huge crowd of people gathered...
The horse was raised to the circus dome to the beat of drums
(the music died down), well, they threw the horse out of there, it naturally
but fell on the arena and lies (silence in the hall) ........
suddenly the horse raises its head and says:
(L) OH MY GOD! WHEN WILL I DIE!!!
A crow flies in the morning from a drinking binge, and is very sick from a hangover.
Flying over the swamp with all his strength, lo and behold - in the middle of the swamp
tree. She flew in, plopped down on a branch, and was resting.
Suddenly, lo and behold, a woodpecker is sitting on a nearby branch and killing a joint.
“However, it wouldn’t hurt me either.”
- the crow thinks and says to the woodpecker:
"Woodpecker, woodpecker, treat me to a joint - you see, I feel bad, maybe
It will get easier."
Well, the woodpecker silently gives the crow a joint, shelights a cigarette but doesn't smoke
to her. She says to the woodpecker:
“Woodpecker, woodpecker, give me another treat, otherwise I’m not happy.”
The woodpecker silently gives the crow a second joint. She smokes it, and she
again it doesn't roll.
She says to the woodpecker:
“Listen, woodpecker, I’m not feeling well again. Give me more, if not in
crowbars, the last one, huh?.."
The woodpecker gives the crow the third joint, she smokes it, and then she
It rolls so hard that it turns off and falls under a tree.
And under the tree lies a crocodile.
He sees a crow falling from a tree, stoned in a hollow.
Well, the crocodile himself, however, is not a fool to smoke.
And he thinks: I’ll go and look upstairs - maybe there’s still some left
smoke what?
He climbs a tree, looks, and there the woodpecker sits and the joint again
he scores. And the crocodile, I must say, is neither bae nor meh like a bird,
not a crow. And he begins to gesture to the woodpecker in every possible way:
woodpecker, like, let me smoke a little too.
The woodpecker looks at him coldly and says:
“Well, it didn’t go well again?..”.
In one village district, one man was a major specialist
for childbirth.
They come running to him at night.
- Get up! Quicker! Baba gives birth in a neighboring village!
- Okay, just wake up Mitka, he’ll hold the lantern.
They rushed over, accepted the child, got ready to wash their hands, and lo and behold, the next thing
appears. They accepted this too. Are you ready to wash your hands again?
one thing seemed.
- Mitka, turn off the lantern! They're coming into the light!
One Chukchi brought another Chukchi an alarm clock to repair.
He dismantled the alarm clock,and from there a dead cockroach fell out.
- Well, will it be tick-tock again, though?
- However, no. You can see for yourself that the mechanic is dead.
The mouse for the new Russian is lead and has two holes.
Lieutenant (P) Rzhevsky dances with Natasha (H), you understand,
from which:
(H): - Lieutenant, have you ever been in love?
(P): - Fucked, sir...
(H): - But I’m talking about pure love...
(P): - After the bath I fucked, sir.
(H): - But I’m talking about high love...
(P): - I fucked on the balcony, sir.
(H): - But I’m talking about human love!
(P): - Happened to people too, c
A man with a deep hangover sits in the kitchen and listens to the radio.
Send:
- In Moscow 12 hours, in Karaganda - 14, in Novosibirsk - 16,
in Magadan - 18, Petropalovsk-Kamchatsky - midnight.
Man:
- Lord, what a mess!
Exams are underway at the medical college.
A young girl came out to answer (D)
Teacher(U):
- Do you have a question about the human skeleton?
(D):
- yes!
(U):
- Well then answer.
(D):
- here was the nose, here were the lips, in this place were the eyes.
(U):
- come down below please
(D):
- here was the chest, here was the stomach, and in this place was the penis.
(U):
- dear mistake! I haven’t been, but I have been - this is the skeleton of a woman.
A student was expelled from the 3rd year of the physics department.
Out of grief, he went to a theological seminary.
One day he dozes off out of habit during class. Father approaches him
and says:
- Tell me, my son, what is Divine Power?
Student without waking up:
- Divine Mass for Divine Acceleration!Dr. Yotcoh and S. Holmes make their way through the Grimpen bog.
A long, wild howl can be heard from afar.
(U) - Holmes! This is probably the famous dog
Baskervilles!
(Sh) - No, doctor! This is Sir Henry being fed oatmeal!
A priest and a priest are riding in a cart.
Suddenly, robbers attack us from the forest and rob us.
They saw that the priest was young and beautiful, and they raped her.
The priest rides and sighs.
Popadya:
- Well, why are you worried, father, everything is according to God’s will.
Pop:
- Well, yes, they attacked us by God’s will, robbed us by God’s will,
they raped you according to God's will, but you waved you according to your own
will.
During the exam, the student yawns all the time.
The professor asks:
- Why are you yawning?
- Sorry. I came home very late yesterday and went to bed around two
- Well, next time, lie down near one and get some sleep.
Two very sad men meet.
Dialogue.
- And our factory hasn’t paid wages for three months now.
- And they give it to us in kind.
-Where do you work now?
- At the mill.
- So, they give you grain?
- No, if it were grain, it’s not so bad...
- So, they give you flour?
- No, if it were flour, it wouldn’t be a problem at all...
- And what?
- Millstones.
Sherlock Holmes and Watson came to Batcohy's house.
Holmes looks at Watson's horns and says:
"Your wife has a lover"
Watson shrugs his shoulders in surprise and goes to the closet, opens
door and sees his lover, to which he says:
"That Holmes is a pager again!"
“No, it’s obvious!
But the pager -great stuff," Holmes replies.
A drunk husband comes home, and his wife opens the door with a frying pan.
in hand.
“Not on the pager,” the poor guy screamed.
Watson and Holmes spent the night in a tent in a field.
At night they wake up and Watson says:
"The stars tell me about good weather Holmes"
Holmes:
"And I'm talking about the fact that the tent was stolen"
Watson:
"What's the pager again?"
Holmes:
“No, it’s obvious, but the pager is a great thing.”
Holmes and Watson are walking through the forest.
Holmes:
"Watson - watch out there's a bunch of crap behind that rock!"
Watson:
"What's the pager again?"
Holmes:
“No - the inspector and I were waiting for the Baskerville dog yesterday.”
The horse watches the zebra from the bushes and thinks:
“But you’ll have to take off your pajamas...”
A bear is walking through the mountains.
A day goes by... two days goes by... lost.
Suddenly he sees a goat standing in front of him.
- Hey goat! Where is north here?
The goat did not answer anything - he ran away.
The bear moves on and suddenly a herd of goats comes out from behind the mountain.
- Hey bear! We don’t know where the north is, but you are for the Goat now
answer...
A little girl and a teacher are walking down the street.
They see two girls eating popsicles on a bench, one bites the other
licks.
(B) asks (U):
- Which of them do you think is married?
(U):
- Ewww Vovochka, how bad you are...
Well, since you are so big, I will answer.
I think it's the one that licks.
(B):
- Aaaaah..... And I thought that the one with the ring on her finger...
Picture: evening, granddaughter (B) falls asleep, grandfather (D) tells him a fairy tale
says:
...(D) - and then Ilya the Muromets went into the dense forest, and there
the terrifying nightingale-robber will scream inhumanly
voice!
(B) - grandfather, how is that in an inhuman voice?
(D) - and here it is: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
A man comes to the doctor, his hands are all bandaged, and he says:
- Doctor, I can’t, my hands hurt, look...
The doctor unwound the bandages, and there were only bones.
- What happened to you?
- Yes, yesterday I lay down to jerk off and fell asleep...
The teacher brings a watermelon to class and says that this is
is that?
Children:
this is a watermelon.
Teacher:
no, children, this is a Michurin apple.
The next day he brings melon and says:
kids, what is this?
Children: melon.
Teacher:
no, children, this is a Michurin plum.
The next day Vovochka comes and brings crayfish.
He dumps it in front of the teacher and says:
what is this? Teacher:
are these crayfish? Vovochka
no, these are Michurin's MAN$AVOSHKS!
A man is driving through Georgia and sees a sign hanging:
two crossed out bottles and a member.
Well, he became interested in what the sign was, drove up to the traffic cop and
says:
what kind of sign is this?
Gaishkik answers:
What do you see, daragoy, what is drawn - “ne tara - pussy!”
Riding in a car (F)en with (M)already:
F: our daughter-in-law is fucking
M: That's her problem
F: but she’s our son’s wife
M: That's his problem
J: What if she...
M: These are my problems
Zh: Yes, you're crazy, I'm your wife
M: And these are your problems.
- Vasya, what are you eating?
- Snickers.
- Why does he smell like shit?
- And this is the second time I’m eating it...A new Russian is asked:
"How long will it take you to run 100 meters?"
NR: I won’t run it for less than $100.
Ball.
Natasha Rostova dances with the lieutenant.
- Lieutenant, you smell bad.
- These are foot wraps, mademoiselle.
- So take them off.
He leaves, and after a while he again invites Natalie to dance.
- Lieutenant, I repeat, you smell bad.
Have you taken off your foot wraps?
- Oh yes, here they are... (pulls out from his bosom)
Ball. Natasha Rostova dances with the lieutenant.
- Lieutenant, there is so much dancing, I’ll go to the window.
- How about you, will you come? (flirtatiously)
The teacher brings a hedgehog to class.
- Children, who is this?
Nobody can answer. The options are:
"Cat, dog, parrot...".
The class has dried up.
Vovochka approaches the hedgehog with unblinking eyes and says in a whisper:
- So this is what you are - a reindeer...
A southern person is asked:
- Why do you have a proverb for every word:
peacock-peacock, kebab-mashlyk?
- So, such a culture-multur!
Two southern people are sitting in the shade.
The sound of the radio is heard. After 20 minutes, one asks the other:
- Vai, what did they say?
- Yes, they said nonsense, they said half past nine.
This means a man (M) joins the party.
He is asked:
- can you quit smoking for the sake of the PARTY?
- (M) thought - well, I can
- can you stop drinking for the sake of the PARTY?
- (M) thought, reflected - well, I can
- Can you stop hanging out with women for the sake of the PARTY?
- (M) thought, pondered, hesitated - quietly, well, I can
- can you give your life for the sake of the PARTY?
- (M) OF COURSE WHY DO I NEED SHESO NEEDED!!!
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Editor-in-Chief: Mr.ZERO, Ilya, t. 499-3117
Technical editor: M&G Corp., Igor, t. 496-6159
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