Anigdot No. 37 - Yessss, here we are again. There's just nothing to say.

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  ▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
 ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▄ and
▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▀▄ M&G Corp.
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▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
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░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░░░░░░▓▓ ░░░ O ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░
░░░░ ░░░░░▓▓ ░░░░ M FOR ▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓ ░░░░░ E YOU.      ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░23.08.96░░░░░░░ ░░░░░ R ▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
                             ▐═▌║!
  Yessss, here we are again. There's just nothing to say. And many
We went to St. Petersburg for ENLIGHT'96. DEMO PARTYcool is planned. By
to our information we went from Moscow: KSA which will undoubtedly take
1st place in Mouzon, SEAMANS B.U.H.G., MPS, MAGIC SOFT, API SOFT
I was thinking about this, SCORPION CLUB also seemed to be planning.
 Well, I don’t know what else to write?! Tomorrow the market is open in Mitino and
many will go there! Who knows VALERY come to his market
Let's hang out together.
 What else should I blurt out? At least someone called, we could chat and...
modeled. AAA??? Okay, read below and cry with laughter. WHAOOOO!
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
                        ---ADVERTISING---
          I sell and collect phones with caller ID to order!
       Some characteristics of the standard configuration:

- phone case type TECHNICA P-2308 (PANASONIC family)
- extended keyboard (23 buttons)
- giant flat red indicator (90X20 mm)
- circuitry of caller ID type ELLIS (for micro-processors of the INTEL series)
- software version RUSS 22C+ (SUPER NEW)

   Some service capabilities of Caller ID "RUS-22C+" (ELLIS):

- notebook for 100 numbers
- memory for storing information about callers per 100
numbers
- memory of outgoing numbers for 100 numbers
- 10 universal alarm clocks with 20 different melodies
- number identification mode when dialing on a parallel phone
- ANTI-Caller ID mode
- warning mode about listening to conversations by strangers
persons
- remote control mode
-digital volume control
- call forwarding modes (by time and number)
nenta
- mixed request mode, which provides number identification
by 99.9%
- "line capture" mode - this mode captures (busy)
ie) telephone line for your conversation, as soon as the line
will be released
- auto search mode for phone numbers using 2 or more digits
- mode of blocking access to a long-distance line, using
lock-lock provided in the TECHNICA housing

  At the request of the customer, the Caller ID configuration can additionally
included:

- speakerphone (SPEAKERPHONE) of two types: 3-5 m. / 5-8 m.
- voice fee (electronic answering machine) for 1 min. / 4 min.
- extended memory for 256 numbers

  The phone I purchased comes with a 2 YEAR WARRANTY!!!
The cost of a standard telephone configuration with Caller ID is 225 tr.
Assembly time is 3-7 days.

I also carry out:
- repair of caller IDs of any type
- replacing software versions with the newest ones
- replacement of housings + installation of large indicators
- memory expansion up to 256 numbers
- installation of voice cards for 1 min. and 4 min.
- installation of SPEAKERPHONa
Voice board (digital tape recorder) is an electronic auto-
a transponder designed to record the voice of callers.
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(H)achik comes to the store and says to the (P)delivery lady:
(X): Can I have a bottle of water?
(P): It’s possible, but not water, but water.
Khachik took the water, drank it on the way, liked the water, and returned
to the store and says to the same saleswoman:
(X): Your water is good, give me another bottle!
The saleswoman gives him another bottle and congratulates him again:
(P): Not water, but water!
(X): Listen, my dear, water-water, you don’t know what you’re trading in!!

An investigator interrogates an Uzbek mafioso who does not speak Russian.
language.
The translator translates the investigator's speech:
- The investigator asks for the last time: “Where is the money hidden and
jewelry? Otherwise you will be shot immediately!”
Mafioso answers:
- They are buried next to my house, near the irrigation ditch, three steps to the east.
The investigator asks the translator: “What did he say?”
The translator answers:
- He said: “Shoot, dog, I won’t tell you anyway!”

The prisoners are sitting in the cell. There is a ration of bread on the table. Suddenly a rat runs in
grabs the bread and runs away. One of the prisoners takes off his shoe and is already in front of
The mink itself kills the rat. The cell leader says:
- We are all sitting here - thieves. Kpyca stolebread means she
also a thief. And since she is a thief, that means she is our comrade. You killed
our comrade. If you can't come up with an excuse - ..........
- Well, since she’s our comrade, she didn’t like being with us.
sit?

The man (M) caught a goldfish (ZR).
(ZR) - Let me go, I will fulfill any of your wishes.
(M) - I wish I had vodka instead of urine.
And then (M) meets his friend (P). (M) told him
this story.
Naturally, he didn’t believe it.
(M) - Here, hold the glass. - poured it for him - Try it.
(P) tried it - and it’s true, vodka. - Pour some more.
(M) repeated.
(P) - More. (M) repeated again.
(P) - More!
(M) - Yes, drink from your throat!

A mother is standing in line with a child (the child is about 5 years old), standing, standing,
then the child starts screaming wildly:
R: - Mom, mom, I want to eat.
M: - Now son, wait, the line will come, let's buy what we need,
Let's come home and eat.
Well, they stand there and five minutes pass.
R: - Mom, mom, I’m thirsty.
M: - Wait, son, wait, the line is coming, let's buy what we need,
Let's come home and have a drink.
A man standing nearby says to his mother:
- Woman, why are you torturing a child, there are watermelons around the corner
for sale, buy it, the child will eat and drink for one.
The child turns to the man and says:
- Man, you jerk off in a squat, you’ll dance, and for one thing you’ll
wasted.

A hedgehog approaches two men who are fishing.
- Guys, do you have glue?
- No.
After 10 minutes the hedgehog returns.
- Guys, I’ll give you gluebrought it!

Crocodile Gena enters the tavern and shouts:
- A mug of beer and a fuck!!!
Cheburashka comes behind him and shouts even louder:
- Two mugs of beer and finely chopped pizza!!!

After the next test of the aircraft, a meeting is held
designers, all very sad - with the plane they are serious
problems, there is a lively discussion going on:
- Gentlemen, we have a small problem - our experienced
the aircraft sample took off, but flew over the fence and fell.
What would be your suggestions:
- It is necessary to correct the airframe.....
- Install more powerful engines.....
- Update on-board electronics....
- Reduce take-off weight....
- Move the fence away from the runway....

Dialogue in the 21st century
- Tell me, does the gas mask interfere with your intimate life?
- Well, what are you saying - on the contrary! Firstly, the wife is silent in him,
secondly, I don’t see her face. And thirdly, when I shut up
valve, it begins to move at least a little.

The new Russian bought cool rings with bruliks and curlicues and
decided to show off, stops at a traffic light in his 600,
and next to it is the same 600th. He opens the window, sticks his hand out
rings and with a cool finger asks:
“Hear-sh-sh, brother, how to get to Red Square???”
And from the window of another 600, a foot in a golden boot sticks out and
indicates direction:
"Over there bro!!! No market!!!"

A Soviet journalist in a “developing” African country takes
interview with the head of state:
- Well,How are you dealing with anti-Semitism? Outlived?
- Not yet. No matter how much I tell my friends: Jews are the same people,
like everyone else! - The damned don't eat!

Once upon a time there was an uncle of Team Com. And he fell ill with a terrible virus.
He came to Doctor Web, and he listened to him, touched him
and says:
- Say the format a-a-a.

The cannibals return from hunting, and his fellow tribesmen ask:
-What do you love most about your wife?
- Well, eyes, hair, laughter... (so dreamy)
- And we fools left you with a thigh.

Stagnant times, a Japanese delegation comes to the plant. Well there
As expected, the pioneers present flowers, bread and salt, all that.
We took them around the plant and showed them everything they could. After
inspection of the press conference (or whatever it was called then..).
(F)journalist: - What did you like at our plant?
(I) Japanese: - You have wonderful children...
(F): - Our children are really good, but what did you like about them?
factory?
(Me): - You have wonderful children...
(F): - SO WHAT DID YOU LIKE AT THE FACTORY?!!?
(Me): - You have excellent children... and everything you do with your hands
very, VERY BAD!

Once upon a time two old gentleman friends lived in the same house.
Sir Henry (G) and Sir Charles (C).
Sir G smoked large cigars, and Sir C did not like the smell of cigars.
One day Sir H decided to try to stop Sir G from smoking
cigars. For this purpose, Sir Ch secretly took a cigar from Sir G and
having thrust it into his anus, he walked like this all day, and in the evening
slipped sulfur G. Having smoked a cigar, Sir G expressedadmiration
smoked cigar. This went on for some time and every
once Sir G admired another smoked cigar.
As a result, Sir G never stopped smoking his cigars
and Sir Ch could no longer live without a cigar in his ass.

A little boy lies in a stroller.
A man walks past and hears sounds coming from the stroller:
- “What a fagot%$#@a, she left when I shit my pants. Oh fuck,
wanders around the shops, and I'm lying here wet."
A man comes up to the stroller, looks inside and says:
- “Boy, you still don’t know how to walk, but you swear like an adult.”
Boy: “Can you walk, uncle?”
Man: "Well, yes, of course"
Boy: “Well, get the fuck out of here!”

Father scolds his son:
- I don’t study, only girls and discos are on my mind!!!
The son somehow tries to defend himself:
- Come on, as if you weren’t like that yourself!
The father naturally rears up:
- Yes, how do you talk! Don't miss a single skirt!
Which of us is the father, you or me?
Son: (with a sigh)
- Both are already dads, both...

He travels on a train, in the same compartment is a Chukchi and a Russian.
The Chukchi is sitting there gorging itself, the Russian wants it too, but there is nothing to eat.
Then he decided so.
- Chukchi, let me ask you a riddle, if you don’t answer then
give me a drink and a snack.
- Fine.
- Black is red inside. What is this?
- Deer.
- No.
- Seal.
- No.
- I give up.
- Golosha.
Well, in short, he drank, had a bite and said:
- Give me another riddle.
- Well, come on.
- 2 black inside red. What is this?
- Two deer.
- No.
- 2seal.
- No.
I drank and ate again...
The conductor walks past their compartment and hears:
- 1-5-7 black in-in-in-in-n-r-ri k-red.

The Doctor (B), the Engineer (I) and the Thief are sitting fishing:
Suddenly the doctor pulls out a Goldfish (ЗP)
Well, ZP says, as usual, 3 wishes, one for each:
Thief: - I need a truckload of bucks!!!!
Well, a truck with bucks pulls up....
Q: - Listen, the rats at the dacha have tormented me, make sure that they
didn't happen...
ZP: - Yes, of course. Here's a little rat, it's within everyone's radius.
100 km. eat and then evaporate...
And: - Listen, I’m sick of mypabbm...
ZP: - No problem. Here's a little ant, he's within everyone's radius
100 km. eat it and then evaporate...
Thief: - Listen, no, wait... Take your truck and give it to me
better than a little cop...

A new guy drives into such a healthy, green, army KRAZ
so black, with tinted windows and other bells and whistles
Ford. The men get out of the Ford, gloomily look at the hood, fenders,
headlights...
A soldier-kohtpakthuk appears from the KRAZ cab and sadly
looking at the back of his truck.
- Soldier, what do you want? What are your losses?
- Yes, just yesterday I hung a new bucket on the towbar! And on you!!!

─ Yesterday I talked to a sexual maniac.
─ Why did you decide that he is a sexual maniac?
─ Yes, he told me to go to hell all the time.

─ So you deny the biofield. How can we explain that it’s Japanese?
did the girl break a brick with her hand?
─ BecauseThe girl is Japanese, and the brick is domestic.

Organizer:
On the day of the 70th anniversary of your founding, allow me to assign
Academician Shokalsky title named after Przhevalsky's horse.
Shokalsky (from his seat): I object!
Horses don't live 70 years.
Organizer: Sorry. Then let Przewalski's horse
be named after Academician Shokalsky.

─ Dispatcher! We're running out of fuel, we won't make it. What to do? I'm moving on
to the reception.
─ Go tomorrow. No reception today.

─ Breathe.
─ Please.
─ Once again.
─ Why?
─ I really like the smell.

At an international seminar, participants were given the task to write
research on elephants. The Frenchman wrote the headline "Elephants and Women"
, Englishman "Elephants and the British Empire", German - "Introduction to
research on some issues of elephant science"
The Russian entitled his work: “Russia is the homeland of elephants”...

Little Son came to his father
And Little One asked
- Dad, would you like a drink?
- Yes, son, not bad.
- If you drank well -
It means it's bad in the morning.
- If in the morning - good -
- it means you drank badly.
Little son came to his father
and the baby said
- I’d like some vodka, some jellied meat
- Yes, son, not bad

Boy and girl:
M - Listen, we’ve known each other for so long... maybe we’ll fuck?
D - Why not!?
M - Well, no, no...

It's time for Lieutenant Rzhevsky to get ready for the ball. And he wants
show off your wit in front of the ladies, but come up with a hangover
can't do anything. He calls the orderly and tells him:
(R) - Ivan, come on, quicklyfresh pun!
(I) - Easy, master. So this means:
The reserve will not tear your pocket
And he doesn't ask for money
Monk don't fuck nun
And he carries x#$ in his pocket
...
In the midst of the ball (R), having already left the page solidly, says:
(R) - Gentlemen, a new pun!
Only he is indecent, please close your ears.
And the ladies: - Come on, lieutenant, you will replace the curse words
on la-la
(R) - Okay, listen:
The reserve will not tear your pocket
And he doesn't ask for money
Monk nun not la-la
And x#$ in your pocket: "Tra-la-la"

The chief vizier comes to the Persian Shah.
- O lord! You have 365 wives, each of them has the happiness to share with
bed with you only once a year. Women are grumbling, something needs to be done,
O wisest one.
The Shah thought for a long time, then asked:
- Are there enough blacks in the palace security?
- Yes.
- Then let's do this...
Let's put it in a stack: woman - Negro - woman - Negro...
I will be at the top, and then it will be like a carbon copy.

- Why did you steal this car? - the judge asks
accused.
- I thought it no longer had an owner.
- But why?
- Because the car was parked at the cemetery gates.

The pastor addresses the believers with a sermon:
- Alcohol is your number one enemy! Get drunk and have a fight with
wife, grab a revolver and you'll definitely miss when you're drunk!

- Waiter, the chop is so small that I can eat it in one
times.
- You're wrong! You will chew our chop for half an hour.

A man went to Japan to study karate. He returned six months later.
His friendasks:
- Have you learned?
- Yes!
- Show me.
- Close your eyes.
The friend closed his eyes. A man takes a baseball bat and hits his friend
head.
When a friend comes home, he hears the comment:
- This is roughly how they kick in Japan.

On TV, a little boy saw Indians attacking
war paint.
He asks dad what they are doing.
- So they are preparing for war, son.
- Who is our mother fighting with every day?

- Patient, are you suffering from nightmares?
- No, I enjoy them!

- Doctor, I've become really bad. In everything that my wife says
I began to notice common sense.

- Your husband needs absolute peace. Here's a sedative.
- And when should I give it to my husband?
- You misunderstood. This is for you.

- Doctor, every day I have a nightmare:
I push the door with all my might, but it doesn’t open.
- Is there anything written on it?
- Yes! "ON YOURSELF"

There are two New teapots:
1: Today I bought a new disk, 40 gigabytes!
2: why do you need it? You bought 35 gigabytes yesterday!
1: I already formatted it...

The bus is leaving the stop, everyone got on! Now he's already moving
and drove off and then out of nowhere a man appeared and ran after
(A) by bus! (A) eats faster and faster and (M) the snake keeps running
faster and faster!!! Here (M) almost caught up with (A), here from the window (A)
A woman gets out and says:
"Oh, (M), you are running so funny that we all pissed ourselves here!!!"
(M): "You'll all crap yourself when you find out whoME!!!"
(F): "Who are YOU???"
(M): "I am the driver of this (A)!!!"

Petka (P) comes running to Vasily Ivanovich (V) with a huge wood grouse.
(P) - Look what bird I hit with a boomerang!!!
(B) - Where did you get the boomerang???
(P) - Yes, it was lying in your corner!!
(B) - If you, Petka, take my socks, I’ll buy you a sheet
I'll break it!!!

On Saturday (M)and (F)ena go outside to shake out the carpet...
(M) accidentally remembers a well-known TV show and says
- And I’ll shake out the carpet in 3 minutes!
(F) - And I’m for two!!!
(M) - SHAKE OUT........?!

They're coming, that means there are 2 PUNKs, and there's a gop coming towards them!
Well, one to the other: listen, let’s give him some p#@#s???
another: what if he is for us?
1st: why do we need it???

And now again. Two friends are talking:
1st: Have you ever seen your husband’s eyes when you were giving a blowjob?
2nd: Yes! I’m somehow giving a blowjob, and then my husband comes into the room.
God, what eyes he had!

HP accepts a new villa - the foreman shows him everything and
says... HP liked everything, but he complained
One drawback is that the passages are narrow...
Foreman: Everything seems to be standard sizes...
NR: Yes, you see, in nature, I walk, and my fingers are between us
boys, they touch me on my joints...

A new plane was invented.
The only problem is that they launch it, but its wings fall off.
Let's go to Odessa to see (M)oisha.
- How to make sure the wings don’t fall off?
M: - Drill more holes in the place where they break
- Yes, you think it will be even worse
M: - Don’t tell me, don’t tell me. Herenever use toilet paper
it doesn't tear holes

Two drunks are standing, swaying, at a bus stop and watching
like people struggling to squeeze into a crowded bus.
1 - Do you know what this is?
2 - What the hell, it’s a bus!
1 - H-e-e, this is an archiver!!!
2 - ????!!!!

- Or maybe we should go to intensive care?
- The doctor said “to the morgue”, that means to the morgue.

The (k) inspector goes to the (p) passenger:
(K) - Your ticket
(p) - My ticket!
(K) - Show me
(p) - Buy it for yourself and see how much you can fit!

Once a man with an erection came to a sex therapist, a pessimist:
“Here is the doctor! Don’t stand it! And the doctor absent-mindedly said: “Yes, he’s hanging-
then you are somehow fucked up!" Well, the guy thinks that for the sake of objectivity
I should go to another one, I went in, and there - an optimist - "Well, what
y us?" So cheerfully. "Yes, uh.. it’s not worth it." "Yes, but how
hanging!" Well, the man, not understanding anything, moved towards the third, and there -
cynic! "What's wrong with that!" “Yes, it’s not worth it” “What are you talking about, in kind
, did you come here with THIS?

One (m)urn walks, sees another running around a pack of cookies
- What are you talking about! What's the rush???
- Yes, it says: 'Rip along the dotted line'

NATO is recruiting pilots for peacekeeping operations in Bosnia.
The first to arrive at the (K) commission is the (F) Frenchman.
K - Flight experience?
F - 6000 hours.
...
K - How much would you like for your work?
F - $20,000 per year
K - Why do you need so much?
F - $10,000 for my personal expenses, $5,000 for a rainy day, $5,000
mybeloved Sicil.
F is listed as released, next they call (A) American.
...
(K) - How much do you want?
(A) - $40,000.
(K) - Why?
(A) - $15,000 for my expenses, $15,000 for a rainy day, $10,000
Mommy to Alaska.
Next they call (R)ussky (new, no less).
(K) - Flight experience?
(R) - Yes, I flew on an airplane for the first time yesterday.
(K) - And you want us to pay you money?!!!
(R) - Yes, $60,000.
(K) - Where do you need so much?
(R) How to where? $20,000 for me, $20,000 for my wife Lyuska in Uryupinsk
I’ll send it, and hire F for $20,000, let him fly.

The deputy caught a goldfish. And she tells him.
Well, give me your three wishes and let me go.
(D) I want the war in Chechnya to end.
(ZR) What a man you are!!! I don't even know where it is
Chechnya is located. No, give me something else.
(D) Well then, let’s make my wife a beauty.
(ZR) What kind of .gif or .jpg do you have?
(D) Yes! Here, look.
So ZR looks at the peg and says:
Come on, man, get the globe. We will look for Chechnya.

Two gentlemen are returning from a banquet. Riding in a limousine
back seat and talking:
- It was somehow awkward today - I took the salad with the wrong fork
- Y-a-a-a.. Not good. I'm no better - the spoon is on the wrong side
put
- Come on!
Then the driver turns to them:
- Guys, is it okay that I’m sitting with my back to you?

The man gets a job. He is asked:
- What can you do?
- Write, read, draw.. cbapubatb, build, dig.. physics
, chemistry,mechanics perfectly etc.
- (to the boss in another office): Here a guy gets a job with us
in words, just a genius! Accept? What? What's your name?
Leonardo Da Vinci.

... Damn you!
- And my dad says that it’s better to give than to take.
- Is he your priest?
- No, boxer.

The drunkard doesn’t remember anything the next day after drinking. Decided
go to friends.
- Listen, San, I was with you yesterday?
- Was.
- Did your lemon jump on the table?
- Yes, you need treatment!

1 - Can you imagine, such a terrible thing happened to me yesterday!
2 - ????
1 - So drunk! Horror! I wake up in the morning, and next to me... is my wife!
2 - Whose?
1 - Mine
2 - You’re not married!
1 - That's what I'm talking about...

There are two Khachiks (1,2) in the hotel. Night.
1) Vano, are you sleeping?
2) I'm sleeping.
1) No, you're fucking me.
2) I can take it out!
1) I’ll take it out for you - go to sleep!

There are two blue ones (1,2):
1) - Yesterday I saw you with a very interesting man.
2) - ??????
1) - In a short skirt, with long legs and large breasts.
2) - Yes, this is my sister.
1) - Ugh! Nasty, I know what your Edward looks like.

They call Vasily Ivanovich to army headquarters and say:
- V.I., it’s inconvenient: you seem to be a war hero, a red division commander, but
education - no. Go to the academy.
He answers:
- There you need to write an essay, but I don’t know how to write.
- And you describe your heroic everyday life in battle, only without mistakes, and
We will place the commas ourselves.
V.I. arrives to the division, tells everything to Furmanov and asks
says:
- WhatShould I describe it if all we do is vodka
we get drunk and fuck Anka.
- And you write instead of drinking - we read books, and instead of Anka - on
Let's go hunting.
The headquarters received the following essay:
“The other day Furmanov and I brought 4 books to headquarters. We read them.
Then Petka came and brought 2 handwritten volumes.  And they were read.
We returned the covers to the store, bought another book and went hunting
Petka and I had a good shot, and Furmanov finished the manganese barrel
cleans with a tool."

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Editor-in-Chief: Mr.ZERO, Ilya, t. 499-3117
Technical editor: M&G Corp., Igor, t. 496-6159

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